March 17, 2021

Mail Order Brides

The Wolf And The Shepherd try to figure out whether or not mail order brides are still a thing. The good news is that it is still a thing.


welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we're going to be

talking about mail order brides

so this means you could fill out some

kind of

form and get a bride through the mail


yeah i'm a bit disappointed actually we

didn't reach out for sponsorship

opportunities for this episode

yeah we should have we should have

because come on this is ripe for

exploitation this topic

yes yes and we could be the vehicle we

could be the uber

for that exploitation yeah but i think

uh aren't there

already apps for that like uh tinder

and all that or are they not really

looking for marriage

that's more getting inappropriately

familiar with somebody you don't really


in your local area within a 15 mile

radius mail order brides is like

people you know a little bit further

away oh so

this has nothing to do with all of the

alerts i keep

getting on my phone that says there's

all these single women within five

minutes of me

that want to meet me no that's the

kidnap children alert which comes


oh okay yeah i gotta fix my phone

what i really love about the whole

concept of the mail order bride thing

is that originally it was by mail okay

you had people who would read a


in some personal section of a newspaper

obviously you were paying per word back

then right so you had to be

thrifty with your description of

yourself so people were reading this


woman not got more than

20 kids pretty good shape

look for man to marry

and that be it and then there'd be like

a po box and somebody would think

yeah she sounds pretty good yeah so

whether you're going on you got instinct

or your level of desperation

that's what you're working with because

there were no photos back in those days

when i remember seeing those

ads all text all text and like i said

they had to be thrifty because you were

paying like about 15 cents per word

and for some countries depending where

they were posting those classifieds from

i mean that's like about three days

wages to like post one ad

sure so you weren't eating for three

days to be able to post that ad just in

the hope that

somebody would be i don't know wowed by

your description

you know where they actually got that in

newspapers it actually came from

telegrams i think because i remember

reading something

about telegrams from western union say

and you would pay by the word and so

that's where

almost that infancy of texting came

about because

people would break up the sentences and


wouldn't actually be grammatically

correct so they could save money it's

like that

deal in the office where i think it was

kevin who said you know

why use more word when few word matter

you know things like that i did actually

think the first time

i heard of mail order brides i think i

was maybe like seven or eight

because i kept seeing this stuff in the

back of the newspaper

in the classified section and i honestly

thought they sent the brides

through the mail right right that's what

i thought right but

i was old enough at that point where

relatives had sent me

like gifts for birthday or christmas and

i realized the mail was unreliable

sometimes it would come like a week late

or sometimes not at all and i thought

wow that's really a bit of a crap shoot

isn't it because if you send

like a wife or a potential wife through

the mail

and it may or may not arrive you know

that's a bit of a disappointment if

you're kind of like waiting on your

doorstep for the mail to come and then

it didn't come doesn't come and then it

turns up and then you've just got to pay

basically burial costs because she's

been dead in the mail so that's the way

my mind was working at the time because

we had a really crappy mail service in


probably online with like usps here so

so would you say the postal service over


england is worse than the us postal

service here

or about the same well i think when i


fedex had come into play i think a few

other actually other private services

so you know the government agencies

you know normally have to up the game

once the private sector gets involved

right because can you imagine how bad

usps would be of ups

and all these other ones dhl hadn't come

into the game

true you know and it was the same thing

in england because ours was called

royal mail the royal man yeah well it's

just like you know in

in america if you put the word federal

in front of it it sounds kind of

official and like you

expect a certain degree of service which

we've learned

means yeah it's probably going to be the

worst service out of you know all the

competition especially the private


but it was the same thing in england

anything whether you have the word royal

in front of it

it means it's going to be the least

efficient among all of its competitors

so it's been

maybe like 22 23 years since i've used

the royal mail in england but it was


i i wonder if that's why federal express

kind of changed to fedex yeah so they

took that

federal world out there and it's a

stupid word to use anyway i mean you


you know like the um federal reserve got

nothing to do with the government

they just put the federal in front of it

to make it sound efficient

now everybody's learned if the

government is involved it's likely

not to be that efficient true you know

it makes total sense

yeah so if if we were going to send our

show notes to where we've talked about

if we were going to send those over to


would you choose the royal mail or would


choose the united states postal service

assuming now that both

of those entities actually deliver to


i don't know i might go the message in a

bottle route

might have more chance of getting there

yeah but it's gotta float all the way


africa and what is that the cape a good

hope or the cape horn or

something down there and then float all

the way over to india so you think we'd

have a better chance

the cape the cape of the good horny hope

um yeah

you're pulling out pulling out all the

names you've heard from like geography

30 years ago in school yeah exactly i

don't know

actually well no we love our own our

indian audience so i'd actually pay the

extra money and send it via fedex

yeah okay so we're we're going to go

with fedex

if you had to sell yourself right in 20

or 30 words

imagine you're a lady right you didn't

tell me this was going to be one of

those woke episodes right where i've got

to identify

all right as a different finder no

you're now going to change gender for 60

seconds which

i'm gonna exploit okay and maybe put you

in a

if you can um identify as a 16 year old

female at this point

i can get you in the local high school

female boxing

championship and you can win a trophy

yeah but

that would require me to have physical


and have to actually move around i i

don't like that yeah

plus you might get punched in the nuts

yeah that's not gonna work

if you were a woman and you had to sell


and i mean discriminate yourself set you

set yourself apart

from all these other people what in 20

or 30

words could you say without

outright lying do you think you could


if you're trying to attract a male with

a hefty income you've got 20 or 30 words

and you can't say

i have big boobies and i'm up for

anything because remember this was like

years and years ago right where you

weren't allowed to say those things

probably i always know what i want for


i'm only going to put one outfit on and

never change

and i'll never all right you're out of

words you're out at work oh did i

already run out of words

i'll say this was a this was a

hidden stump the shepherd oh my god no

you're getting a little bit crappy with

this stump the shepherd

stuff now you would not get any replies

probably not

no you do have to remember we've talked


about you know online dating and how

the whole catfishing thing right right


people getting to choose one out of 4


photos which is a misrepresentation of

their true self

yep this you had to sell yourself in

between 20 and 30 words because

most of the classifieds actually used to

place a

limit on the number of words because

they had to be able to fit

a certain number of these ads in a

specific section in the newspaper

because it's not like digital print now

they actually had to plan ahead

and so you know if like oh we're placing

nine of these ads on thursday

somebody had to sketch out on a piece of

paper where their stuff was being

printed and so you could only have

a limit of so many words right so

here's mine right if i'm selling myself

gotcha all right

and now you're you're i'm a woman yeah

yeah for like 30 seconds

so um the time's rolling right

here's your 30 seconds okay now

i am woman okay so i'm going to stop you

right there

you you've got too deep of a voice to be

a woman so

this is my text no this is text no

speech to text

oh yeah okay i am woman

i am voluptuous i am submissive

i am obedient i can cook i like

naughty time that's it you can't tell me

back in the old days maybe like

not when it first originated but like 40

years ago

you wouldn't be enthralled by that

description well

i think you should have i not large

i'm not large why not large yeah because

now you you're getting close to that 30

word limit there yeah

counting the words in it i'd sign up for

that it was more than six words yeah i'd

sign up for that if i was

desperate maybe i don't know when you

said though i

am a woman i just expected you to next


hear me roar but you didn't say no

that probably would have turned some

people off way back there was about 15

years before the whole roaring thing you

know before women

suddenly decided hold on a moment yeah

what does roaring have to do with being

a true woman

yeah but in that where katy perry sang

that song was

right after that yeah but that was only

about 10 years ago oh

well how long ago were these ads but but

let's be honest

katy perry i mean it's all right being

katy perry

you know and saying oh i'm gonna roar

it's kind of she didn't really need to

roar to get attractors does she i don't

think so she doesn't need to does she

maybe she does now yeah that's the last

time you heard anything out of her well

the um demon that was inherent in uh

miley cyrus and britney spears left them

and actually entered uh katy perry i

think cause remember she cut all her

hair off and went a bit bonkers for a


yeah and and then she kind of got back

to normal

yeah that same demon must have jumped to

somebody else

yeah we're not keeping track of meghan


no i think that's a different demon is

it yeah yeah

that's legion yeah where do you think

the whole kind of mail order thing came


laziness no it didn't really come from

laziness it came from necessity

necessity to reproduce

the essence of man sure you you can

say it that way but look necessity was

the frontiers people you know traveling

across right there you go

that's it that's where it came from the

frontiers oh you're kidding

no because um they were out there and

they were doing jobs which

you know were dangerous no women were

out there doing those jobs maybe

there were some but i don't know i

didn't look into it that much i'll be

honest with you you know they're out


getting some good coin for the dangerous

work they were doing but

you know it's hard to find a woman and

so they would actually

write letters to churches back in the


um put ads in newspapers and magazines

saying you know kind of

looking for a woman am earning good


i won't beat you please reply and so


things would be read out in churches

it'd be in the church bulletins it'd be

in the newspapers

and women if they you know kind of liked

it the description in getting 20 words


would actually send a photo of


you know to these guys on the frontier

well but let's back up let's let's

imagine that you're one of these dudes

out there on the frontier right

we've already talked about modern day

how the royal mail

and the us postal service doesn't really

do that great of a job

you gotta think they do a better job

today than they did

way back then so can you imagine writing

this letter

to a church handing it to some dude i

guess in the pony express and saying hey

deliver that letter

and now you're sitting around waiting

for months on end

and you see the pony express dude and

you say hey do you deliver that letter

he's like oh man dude i forgot can you

ride another one

and the whole time well it used to be a

really it used to be a relay they didn't

have one pony like going

1500 miles used to be a relay race you


are you sure yeah no i thought it was

one horse i just wrote it just went like

the whole time

you just went like the full 1500 miles


yeah that's where racehorses were just

to and from so just like a train

you just have like michael the horse who

goes from wherever

you know to like all the way to new york

and then back again like three times a


well it's something like that well i

mean no they were fast

no i think there was a relay but you say

that remember that episode we did about


where we don't agree with the whole

concept of horsepower

and a measurement for like cars and

stuff because

i have driven past fields of horses and

some of them seem to spend most of their

life like

asleep right you know you've got to be

annoyed if you get

like a horse for your pony express and

he's just like

slow as all get out or he's got dietary

issues and he's

stopped like every 30 minutes for a five

minute poopy

you know that your thing is not getting

there so you know you've got you're

working on the front line in the

frontier right

everybody else has got their mail order

brides and you're still waiting

because you got the wrong horse in the

pony express

right maybe they should have used

elephants you know who has elephants

india india yeah yeah they're different

elephants over there though what do you

mean from where we've got african and

indian elephants

differences the size of the ears yeah

but what about the american elephants

what you mean the ones in the zoos yeah

they could have delivered the mail

i don't think we had them then actually


well that's too bad yeah because because

think about it but they're not that fast

though are they well let's be honest

yeah but that they're reliable but slow

yeah they're they're more reliable

and not only that they could carry so

many more letters so you'd need fewer

elephants see if i was in charge of the

pony express i'd have been like no let's

do it

yeah elephant express yeah right yeah

you need fewer

animals right you can take many more

parcels along with you

don't have to worry so much about the

horses and look if you've ever ridden an

elephant i mean i

i rode an elephant one time in the

circus you know years well

when i was a kid yeah yeah when i was a

kid i went to the circus and you could


yeah you get to do the little elephant

rides you know they're nice gentle


or gentle creatures they're not people

no they're not people they're

general creatures and you could just

take a nap i mean that sounds like a job

you and i could have had

back in the day riding for the elephant

express delivering mail

i don't want to spend like six weeks

taking a letter

from the frontier to new york and then

having to go

back again to deliver that same letter

then yeah nobody's interested mate

maybe birds like storks storks

used to look deliver babies well right

yeah excited but then they stopped

delivering babies so why didn't we just

repurpose storks

into delivering letters because of the

union stalks started forming unions and

they became too expensive to use

oh is that why you don't see that many

storks anymore well that's why they

don't deliver babies anymore they price

themselves out of the market

it's just easier to give have natural

childbirth right so it's their own fault

it's yeah that's why you don't get them

anymore in the frontier days right

what ended up actually happening was

they started running out of females

so this whole frontier thing these men

would uh

write these letters get them sent you

know by the horse or whatever

and hoping women would reply with a

photo which you know let's be honest at

least they can catfish you because

it used to cost quite a bit of money to

get a photo taken those days

right so you only had one chance it's

like okay ethel

there might be a chance somebody wants

to marry you keep your mouth shut

because you're missing nine teeth at the

front there

just put your hands by your side don't

look over enthusiastic nobody likes a

desperate looking woman

even in the 1800s and we're going to

take one photo of you

and we're going to send it and just hope


you know you get a diamond the other end

of this and

so it would get back and what actually

ended up happening is

they ran out of women and this is where


overseas thing came in and so

they'd actually start sending these


overseas and so you'd actually get

international mail order brides so they

started running out of domestic american

women who were probably like dinah

boredom or something and um

and we're still talking about the same

time yeah frontier yeah yeah they ran

out they ran out of women

wow so now the letters are going

by boat i mean i would think if you

talked about the storks and everything

but ducks would work well no this was

this this was pre-union i think they

were still using stalks but i don't know

how much kind of a distant stalks get

because they're kind of big

goofy birds i don't think they get more

than about 30 miles in a flight before

they have to refuel

right which across the atlantic is you

know yeah there's no way they can make

it but and

a duck or maybe a swan you know they're

bigger they could swim across but let's

assume for a minute that we're actually

putting this mail on boats right yeah

because i know there were boats back


you know there were boats back in the

1800s yes yeah yeah

well there were boats in 17 yeah so

there's got to be boats in the 1800s

and also 16 000 bc but we won't go into


so there was an imbalance yeah between

the number of women available

domestically and the number of men

seeking them

and also you know men would actually

turn down

surprisingly some of these photos so

they'd wait six weeks for this photo to

come back so ethel

do actually did her best pose maybe

looked over enthusiastic or

smiled and you could see like you know

the light you know

shining at the back of her throat

through all the missing teeth

but do you think like ethel in in your


was maybe answering multiple ads oh

well yeah i mean it was the same

equivalent of like today's internet i

mean it's like

cast a wide net you're gonna catch more

fish yeah so i'm pretty sure like in the

bulletin all these women were just like

replying to everything

sure so can you imagine like you're

sitting there with your buddy on the

frontier and you're both waiting for the

same woman

right in in the mail comes in and so you

open your mail and you're like oh check

this chick out

you know and your buddy's sitting on the

other side of the fire and he's looking

he's like oh

she's ugly there wouldn't be anybody in

their right mind that would ever want to

be with this woman

and he goes and he throws it in the fire

and the guy sitting on the other side of

the fire is like

yeah that's the same picture yeah i was

about to write her back

maybe there's something wrong with me

well i don't think this is

official but i actually think most of

the deaths on the frontier were not

caused by

ineffectual unsafe equipment i think

most of it were like fights to the death

between men who were expecting to marry

the same woman they all like pulled out

the photo and it's like hold on i'm

marrying her

right and like yeah yeah and then you

got the dude that's at the chuck wagon

over there and he's cooking everybody

beans for dinner he's like

man i got that same picture too i'm

gonna poison them yeah

see mine yeah yeah see we're taking care

of the revisionist history and making

sure everybody knows exactly what

happened in history

yeah now i wonder how much catfish

catfishing actually went on in those


because you know if i wanted to you know

if i was a woman back east

now you're talking about like 1800

somewhere in the 1800s

no but you're not talking about like

fishing like catching fish right

no i'm terrible at that well me too yeah

i'm good at catfishing though remember

we had that episode i told you how i

spent about three four years

yeah that's right so so pretending to be

a lesbian online

yeah so you got like ethel right but

maybe ethel has a sister named gertrude

and gertrude's kind of pretty

so she has gertrude take the pictures

but she puts her name on them that would

be the 1800s

exactly so you sign up for it and while

you're waiting

six weeks to get replying a photo and

you get this photo back and it's like oh


gertrude who is you know ethel's sister

you get photo of her

and you're like oh yeah i could i could

have a bit of gertrude that would make

me happy maybe i don't know

right and then you know you wait another

six weeks you send the reply back saying


ethel yeah you look lovely and all that


you know get let back from ethel saying

yeah i can't wait to meet you and this

goes on for about a year and a half

right and then you arrange to marry so

he makes all his money

gets back and then there's ethel

and he's looking at her thinking you've

gone downhill in the last 18

months i'll be honest with you love yeah

but you look a bit of a state if i'm not


sure but then she could use the excuse

well hey that's what i look like 18

months ago

and you fell in love with my words you

fell in love with my heart

not the way i look and then this guy's

been out on the frontier for so long

he's like

you know what yep i'm good i'm ready

that's fine yeah looks like same dress

in the picture because i'm pretty sure

everybody back then

oh they were what they all wore that

same stuff yeah i think it was made out


a potato sack it's like white college

girls now i mean they all wear

pretty much same thing i mean i'm pretty

sure it's the same you know back there

in the frontier days they were

all those long dresses so yeah you

didn't see the uh

obscene ankle and that kind of stuff


i honestly don't know whether it would

have been better to be a

eunuch back in those days as a male

rather than playing that lottery of

you know trying to get a wife here i'm


pony express i'm pretty sure i'm going

to stop you right there and say i'd

rather not be a eunuch

no matter what time period i live in

really yeah

now you can have all that you want but

i'm pretty sure i don't want to

well yeah they didn't have xbox back

then so i mean you couldn't have

anything else to do i mean right

pretty much it you just live to make

some money and

find a lady procreate yeah yeah i mean

i'm thinking back to a history of the

world part one

and you know all the eunuchs there i

they look like they were miserable

so yeah and munich i'm going to take a

firm stance against being a eunuch

all right what would be your

expectations back in those days

of a woman well obviously uh can't be

worried about how she plays xbox because

the xbox wouldn't exist back then

right your wife doesn't play xbox anyway

does she

a little bit simple games yeah not not

anything that requires like accessing


yes yeah yeah i guess i would say my


would be a woman that would be able to

take care of the house not die

dirty the shack not the house mate all

right you don't have no house but the

cottage can i use the word cottage or


to england small home small homes only

the hobbits and the english living

cottages oh

okay so shaq okay love shaq the love


yeah so sweeping the dirt floor that's

got to be a must

yeah we got to have smooth dirt on our

dirt floor yeah i'm going to

say she needs to be able to cook

whatever i go out and shoot so we're

probably eating a lot of

rabbits and ducks squirrels squirrels


some squirrels too uh poor squirrels

i wonder if you're gonna need a

squirrel's tail pretty sure you're kind

of nice yeah yeah

and so she'd have to be able to do that

not die

during childbirth and not die during the

winter because i mean

talk about having to replace a wife

after every winter

it's hard not to get women to die during

the winter nowadays let alone back then

yeah they get cold yeah it gets like

below 72 degrees and like oh

and this is the most common used phrase

worldwide by women i've heard because

i've heard this in multiple languages

when it starts getting cold in the


oh my feet are like blocks of ice

ah that is true don't they they all say

i've heard french women

german women english women american

women all use that same phrase my feet

are like blocks of ice now

actually love they're not not literally

are they no let's be honest

they're not literally like blocks of ice

you jog my

thoughts here because they should be

good at building a fire

women can't make fire yeah they can't no

they can it's biblical

oh it's in the book of ecclesiastes

oh women are crap at making fires

that one's somewhere in the middle yeah

they don't kind of normally do that one

in church

nowadays because they don't want to

offend like half the congregation but no

it's true women can't build fires

have you ever seen a woman build a fire

but if a woman can't build a fire how

are they supposed to cook

well you've got to make the fire for

them and then they cook upon the fire

yeah but if i'm out hunting and then i

bring stuff home

yeah yeah you've gotta make the fire and

you've gotta skin it so basically all

she's doing she's got the easiest job

she just sticks a stick up its arse

and through the mouth rotates it while

you're getting washed up cleaning all

the blood off you and then she serves it

for you and you eat it

what a raw deal that is well i know well

back then you had to put in most of the

work oh

okay yeah i mean you know it's a good

thing we have things like ubereats and


right because i don't think i could

handle that well

you have to remember the um it was a

mutually beneficial relationship

in terms of needs and wants okay so

you know for the woman you'd wanted to

be able to cook clean

pop out some babies and like you said

not die in the childbirth

part and still maintain that cooking and


you know during that period of like not

quite giving birth and then giving birth

you needed to bounce

back within the first day because let's

be honest you don't want to be making

your own sandwiches

yeah no because otherwise you might as

well just have two wives

and the you know demands on the men was

just be like

you know get us enough money so we don't

starve to death and don't die of the

black lung i think that was it those

were the only two

kind of yeah no that makes sense and

that's why life was so much simpler back

then yeah so go

a little bit off topic which i know we

don't normally do but adam and eve

okay do you think adam was happy because

it was the only woman he'd ever seen

i'm pretty sure he was yeah i mean if

that's all you know

well god created her so she must have

been pretty hard well

sure i mean i don't think god would have

let him down he wouldn't let him down

you know yeah that that wouldn't have

been nice he wouldn't have given him

like a

i don't know rosie o'donnell right

we all know god has a sense of humor i

mean the duckbill platypus right

but i don't think at this stage of the

game god is sitting there saying

hey let me pull a funny one on yeah poor

adam and

give him an ugly wife not he wouldn't do

that well you think about it you talk

about the desensitization

okay of like the unrealistic

i guess expectations upon women

so they used to claim like 20 or 30

years ago and that kind of died off

that you know men because they see so

many images of pretty girls in movies

on tv and magazines that you know their

expectation for a woman

that now for us to find them attractive

it has to be

you know checking a lot more boxes than

it did maybe 50 years ago

oh it not even 50 but no adam didn't

have that adam didn't have this

like yeah this is not up to my standard

i mean

you know how about three ribs what can

you do for three ribs yeah

well adam didn't have any standards

because he didn't even know the

difference exactly yeah

right i mean that's that's one of those

beautiful things if you stop and think

about it to be in his shoes and not have

to worry about those standards because

there were no standards right like you

talk about with the

uh the way things are right now

where you have people that can you know

photoshop their pictures and do all that


you have this idea of what that

beautiful person and i use person here

because it goes

for men the same way i mean there's

plenty of men out there that are doing


and i use the term men loosely for the

ones that actually do that

but everybody can get confused and get

led down the wrong

trail so to speak i mean one thing you

know going from all that

when eve got kind of duped by the


right about eating from the fruit of the

tree of life which by the way let me go

on the record to say i am against

anybody having snakes as pets right

just based off that story in the moment

yeah yeah i've been fond of them since

to be honest

so do you think the moment that happened

she had this

old crap moment and she started planning


on kind of misleading adam into getting


make the same mistake she had and

you know it wasn't just a conversational

thing she actually used a dark hearts if

you know what i mean to try and convince

him to kind of

uh you know eat the fruit well remember

you know the bible was written by a

bunch of guys right

so they probably left that part out

where eve

basically told adam hey this is all your

fault and adam's sitting there like well

wait what did i

think she guilted him into eating it


absolutely so she wouldn't try to like

hey if you eat this i'll

kiss your cheek or something well there

could have been some of that too you

know because it must have been easy back

then to be like really

but you also know that once all that

happened there was probably an aside

conversation when they were cast out of

the garden of eden that eve said by the

way you know this is all your fault adam

and adam sitting there scratching and

said like you know one day i wake up

and yeah you know here i am the only

dude here

god's nice gives me a wife next thing

you know i'm kicked out of my home where

everything was good

but how is this my fault and then he


says okay well i guess it's my fault

because it's easier to just accept the

blame and move on and have that constant

argument do you think it was the first

example of bait and switch i mean she

started off naked and then she stopped

then she ended up wearing clothes

yeah that's true yeah but also i mean i

know in the bible it doesn't actually


that the fruit of the tree of life was

an apple

but i got thinking and i thought well it

can't be an orange

because the serpent isn't peeling an

orange is he it's not going to be

convincing if he's trying to sell

the orange to eve eve's going to be like

hold on mate you don't have any arms how

do you know what this tastes like

yeah it had to be something like an

apple or a pear

like yeah something it bites straight

into so she's like really does it taste

that good in the serpents like oh yeah i

eat this

six times a day it's fantastic yeah not

convincing with an orange or a coconut

right right yeah so um is the coconut of


i don't know pretty sure i doubt any of

our listeners know either so no matter

that no coconut is yeah it's a fruit

it's not vegetable is it

it's not meat so it's got to be a fruit

those are the only three food types

other than grain and stuff no it's

vegetables because you get

what do you get the fruit and vegetable

group you got the bread

fruit vegetable meat no grains grains

bread is a grain

thing yeah okay made out of vegetables i


oh dairy it's coconut milk it's dairy


because you buy coconut milk all the

time so a coconut has

dairy yeah it's in the same refrigerated

section so yeah all right so coconuts


coconuts dairy right coconut is jerry

i'm glad we sorted that out

so did you know that there is actually

male male order

husbands okay so when you say male male

obviously you're saying m-a-l-e i don't

have tourette's

i mean male 1 m-a-l-e and then m-a-i-l

yeah yeah there's actually men as well

who women can get

um and i actually used to get because

obviously now on the internet

it's you know kind of equal but yeah

back then you

women could actually write and say hey

you know everybody's gone to war and

died and stuff and

my womb is going to be barren in another

six years so you know

i need a man i think we can go on the

record we're

equal opportunities so we're not glad

oh i thought we were that's the biggest

lie you've told in like 64 podcasts no

we're not

oh i thought we were no we know i

thought that was

on our mission statement don't we have a

mission statement somewhere

uh yeah it's blank oh i was supposed to

do that wouldn't i

no that was one of the things oh okay

all right so scratch what so

an ad is a man right right man

likes food like sex please don't

complain too much

that's it that's all i'm sending out

i'll be honest with you you know that's

why i'm just hoping somebody is

truthfully going to reply

yeah but honestly that's one of those

things kind of like

a beethoven symphony right it just

stands the test of time

so that ad would work today just like it

would have worked 200 years adam adam

could have actually used that one

yeah if like god said all right adam

what are you after mate

and adam could have said like food like

sex please don't complain too much that

would have worked then

yeah but he we knew he liked food

he didn't want any complaining but he

didn't know what sex was

well um i punched a hole in your logic


you weren't expecting that curve ball

from the shepherd


so i suppose if we're going to make any

progression in this we have to move

onward from adam and eve and the

frontier times right

so if we jump forward to the 1990s which

i know is a huge

period but well wait we get we're

skipping the 80s there's so much stuff

that happened in the 80s

there's really not i looked it up but

wonder woman

well yeah but in aladdin

no we've gone over this aladdin was a

disney movie

all right the story of aladdin is back

centuries before the whole flying carpet

stuff did not take part in the 1990s in


or in well persia it used to be called

persia right

so in persia there were not flying

carpets in 1990

this took part a long time before then

no i don't believe you disney was not a


disney aladdin was not a documentary i

don't believe you well

i've looked it up so i didn't want to

cover 150 years

without any you know kind of i i guess

not mentioning any changes okay

because literally before the internet

the mail order bride stuff was exactly

the same in terms of classified

right up until the internet so still no


well have you seen any um

like well you remember like old

newspapers the quality of the pictures

right you know unless you had one of the

expensive cameras back then

you know any picture you did a headshot

i mean can you remember like the

yearbooks i mean

yeah you know you had to sit still there

for like goodness knows how long for

them to take a half decent photo of you

if you've got somebody who's trying to

find a partner through a newspaper

i don't think they're paying top dollar

to get the best

photo representation remember all those

newspaper ones

if you look closely you could actually

see those kind of dots those pixels

making up the photo right

i i think there's a name for that but

yeah yeah i know what you're talking

about yeah so

i mean it really didn't change right up

pretty much to the mid 90s

it stayed the same for 150 years wow

that that is crazy to honestly think

about that that

didn't change how so many things change

very quickly that that kind of stayed

you know

static yeah but one thing which did


is american men became sick

of american women hmm i think so where'd

you think

so where do you think they looked not

england because

no english women are even worse no but

we were sick

english people back in the frontier day

that's why we fought the war yeah

exactly they didn't ask for english

no i'm gonna guess

eastern europe no i'm english so i i

will say this

and admit it english women come out of

the womb

moaning about stuff not like crying i


well actually yet there's a joke about

that i can't remember what comedian said

it is that

english female babies come out of the

womb they cry not because they're

gasping for breath it's because they're

whining about something

that the food was insufficient in the

womb and well because it was english too

yeah well

they were the mother was probably eating

a bunch of that curry stuff you try to

get me to eat all the time

i don't think that's it right so

american men

mid-90s actually actually late 80s

to the mid 90s before the internet came

into play they started

answering these ads from these agencies

which suddenly popped up out of nowhere

and they were

trying to get bribes from russia ukraine


you know the other uh eastern european

countries it's the ex-soviet bloc

what did you just say eastern europe i

guess that one right

yeah give me some credit i guessed it

right yeah but you think eastern europe

is anywhere east

of france yeah yeah

no it's not like germany nobody wants to

get mail order bride from germany

why not have you seen german women uh

just the one from austin powers

who's that ah that prowl

whatever her name was oh yeah and and

did she

check all the boxes uh she did for dr


remember that's where the kid came

that's true yeah

i mean to each his own right i mean we

we're all entitled to our preferences

yeah i i would not sign up for well

actually now i say that

on instagram i've seen some pretty

german women but i've also

seen a dog riding a bicycle so i'm not

really gonna

what kind of dog i think it was a basset

hound which surprised me because they


short legs yeah but his little ears were

flapping he's riding in the wind and he

seemed so happy

well i'm sure he was yeah i don't want

to ride a bicycle

i haven't done that for a long time i'd

i'd rather the dogs ride the bicycles


i don't want to wear spandex and hold up

traffic why'd you have to wear spandex

to ride a bicycle i thought that was

required now

yeah it's put on the goofy little helmet

that's true now yes

outfit yeah and then you have to hold up

traffic i saw actually um

two people riding bicycles the other day

and they were wearing masks

while they were cycling and they were

about i don't know maybe 20

30 yards apart so they're outside in the


riding masks well they're embarrassed

that they're on bicycles

so they're trying to one of them was one

of them was actually wearing cycling

shorts that's spandex as well

yeah that's bad yeah so women

quickly after the fall of the soviet

union and in the eastern bloc

thought well you know what we don't have


live here work in the salt mines

you know in the mills and you know work

for one dollar

a day or whatever and decided that you


okay there might be a better life in the

western world

and so all these agencies popped up

which tended to be

either american or english based

and they would act as a go-between

between these

you know women in the um you know east

and the western world and actually set


and you know they would handle all the

communication so they'd have a central

p.o box and so they would pay for

expedited mail

so it wasn't like you sending a letter

to some woman in the ukraine

you know that that get all their stuff

and they'd send all these letters but

again it was the same thing that like

you know one woman would probably

receive like you know 50 letters and

one man would probably apply to marry 40

women so that is that whole kind of like

throwing the net wide thing

sure you had agencies that was the first

introduction of agencies then in the 90s

you got to like the entrepreneurial

spirit though of those agencies that

they figured out a way to make money i

mean we sit here every time on the

podcast trying to figure out a lazy way

to make money

those dudes back then they had it

figured out all we got to do is run down

to the post office

get us a p.o box and we'll collect all

these letters and we're gonna take a fee

for this

so gotta appreciate their spirit there

that entrepreneurial spirit

now did good it's difficult

now to actually find in russia

women who are suitable for western men


women in russia write for about i think

the last 10 15 years of demographics

40 of them are in higher management


okay managing what like i don't know


factories i don't know but um isn't that

all russia does is make like

weapons in vodka well yeah most of the

country yeah okay

but anyway they're still in senior


positions which means they're kind of

like overseeing other people okay

so they're either angry because they're

in the military portion they're making

weapons of war

or they're drunk because they're making

vodka well

one of those yeah but foot but they earn


typically only 40 of what men do for the

same job okay

okay so when you're trying to apply for

one of these brides

like you said they're already really

really angry because they're earning

less than men

and also they're in these senior

management positions so they're bossing

people around

so i mean it this is a recipe for

disaster because

i think a lot of the reason now that you

know western men

and maybe you know like north american

men you know look to the east is because

they want a little bit of a break from

this stereotypical american woman it's

just like that lenny kravitz song

american woman you know and all he

starts bitching about american women

they want a break but these russian

women sound

even worse yeah i know that makes sense


the one industry that i kind of left off


i want to apologize if we have any

russian listeners we don't we looked at

the stats earlier there's nobody from

russia who listens to us yeah but maybe


will you know search on google and find

this one uh

that doll stacking thing that's the

other thing that russia does

yeah what's the name of things yeah yeah


yeah i don't know if that's still a

thing and i think they're produced in

china now

are they because yeah they do them

cheaper oh of course

yeah so but you're also talking about

back then so maybe they're still making

those stacking dolls and everything

maybe those were the target women you

know the ones that were women

yeah well the women that were in charge

of the doll stacking companies

that that's the one i would try to hunt

out outside of vodka and

nuclear missiles i mean if you had to

pick one

it's like okay look wolf you got a


you got three industries you're gonna

pick from nuclear weapons

manager vodka manager and

yeah you can't get any free vodka and

you can't get any free nuclear weapons

or doll stacking person

you'd pick the doll stacking person well

i don't know i'm not allowed to have any

contact with anybody outside of the

united states is

involved in uh

no weapons so i'm not gonna have to go

with vodka

but you can't get any free vodka and she

can't make you vodka

oh she'll know how to make vodka why is

she in a senior management position if

she doesn't know how to make vodka

because she's sitting there behind a

desk all day dealing with

all kinds of hr crap about people

complaining about being sexually

harassed or

misgendering them this is worse than

marrying somebody from new york

so i've actually been learning quite a

lot recently about

mail order brides which obviously now is

over the internet

i've been watching a show with my

girlfriend called um

90 day fiance where

you know people are going through these

agencies online

and trying to find you know a husband or

a wife

overseas and they apply for a visa

they bring the person to the country and

they have 90 days to get married

right so you know obviously there's

different criteria if i'm a man

and i'm getting a woman from overseas

you know i'm trying to maybe get

somebody who

i wouldn't normally be able to get in

the united states which is somebody

who's like

you know 25 who thinks red lobster is

like the treat of a lifetime

and you know finds me wearing the same

pair of underwear for three days in a

row a turn on

on the women's side of it it's pretty

much the same thing you've got

you know women who narrowly were

disqualified from my 400 pound life on

the tlc

channel who are trying to get somebody

from africa who's like

22 who doesn't really have a job but

you know she's getting i don't know

welfare or something and so she's using

that money to get husband and that

that seems to me pretty much surprises

the show but one thing i have realized

is that the women from russia on that

show within about five minutes

i'd be like absolutely no way they start

whining the moment they get off the

plane and i

i renamed that show 92nd fiance because

that's how long it would take me to


no i don't want this anymore so the

whole premise though

of the show is basically the mail order

brides but they

just brought it into the 21st century

yeah wow yeah that sounds

but it was stereotypical like pretty

much every woman you know every woman

who would want to get somebody from

overseas but

all of these women on here pretty much

chose men from africa

and all the men shows women from


ex-soviet bloc countries thinking yeah

if i take her out and you know buy us

some fries from mcdonald's she's gonna

think i'm

like the richest man in the world type

thing but they come over and

they start whining immediately well now

are they

are they choosing them like looking at

pictures or something like that yeah and

then they get to meet them or

yeah because they're getting off the

plane and they

like say yes no yes no well it's no i

mean it's

no they don't they don't send like 30

people over they walk off the plane and

they're pointing at them it's not like

the first episode of the bachelor or the


you get rid of like eight of them on the

first episode okay no i mean it's not

like getting off the plane it's like

return ticket go back right now so

there's a little bit of pre-selection

yeah no you no they're not getting on

the plane unless they've been selected

oh okay see i didn't know that i've

never watched this but again it's

is is so much obvious catfishing goes on


every single story on this show it's

about where

oh you didn't explain you'd been married

four times before and had nine children

or you know you didn't explain that you

had type i

type a diabetes and i'm gonna have to

spend you know 96 dollars a week on

mars bars from costco to just keep your

bloodshed the levels

normal you know i mean that there's a

lot of catfishing goes on which makes

for the entertainment

part of it yeah i mean it's the same

thing it's just they're

just responding to ads through these

agency websites and saying yeah i like

the look of her

do you think she might be happy with me

do you think the women

or the men for that matter that are the

we'll call them contestants on the show

i i don't know if

that's the right pretty much is okay all

right so we'll call them contestants so

do you think they get

paid to actually be on the show

oh you know they do you know they do

they have to be there's nothing real

anymore i think

originally when you had the first big

brother type thing

you know this what was it called was it

big brother on mtv the first

kind of um when they went in the house

thing that was the real world

real world yeah real world i think the


kind of shows like that first out

yeah they chose people who had distinct


uh you know opposite personalities from

other people so you'd get the maximum

amount of confliction

in the household but i don't believe any

reality show nowadays i think it's all


oh i don't think there's anything

genuine anymore they're paid to come on

here and it's the same thing you read

about you know shows like the bachelor

in the bachelorette which

you know is very popular among you know

our female population here

that everybody on there has some story

behind how they got on the show it's

really not

people genuinely applying to the show

and getting selected randomly

right they get people who are gonna have

you know a lot these people you do the

research they already had like you know

30 000 followers on instagram and all

this stuff and it's people being


deliberately antagonistic to make for

entertainment purposes i mean i don't

believe there are any genuine

outside of um animal planet

any real you know reality shows anymore

my dad loves dr paul oh

so does my son yeah yeah the animal

doctor dude

i've never watched it but my dad loves

dr paul yeah

the only other one that he likes that is

kind of spun a little bit more reality

because you can see some things are

staged but it's still

real yeah is the erwin family you know


australians oh yeah yeah steven died


the stingray years ago but my dad still

loves watching

can't remember the wife's name but you

know his kids yeah his son and his

daughter both kind of following his


and it's like i've i've watched a little

bit of that with him and i've said

okay i know some of this is scripted but

at the same time it's still

real right you know yeah they're gonna

go ahead and they're gonna

catch this shark and they're gonna do


you know test on this shark or whatever

and she's asking some scripted questions


to the shock yes and the shark answers i

mean it's a great show

i've never seen a talking shark until i

saw this show

but you can tell it's still real

you know they're legitimate people like

steve irwin used to go out and he would

do stuff he'd like oh

my then you know there's a lizard there

in there is that your australian

yes it is it sounds just like an

australian oh there's a lizard and he'd


get the lizard and he'd catch it and

he'd be like oh if he bites me i'm gonna


but let me just poke him in the eye and

see what happens

yeah i didn't understand a word of that

well that's because it was you know

australians that authentic australia

yes i learned that when i was over there

years ago right

i think part of the problem kind of

circling back with the whole russian

bride thing is

because of the culture in russia and the

influence of the church still there

that 30 years old if you're a female in

russia is considered

over the hill and pretty much

unmarriable you're like an old maid

you know you're put out to pasture at

that point at 30

whereas like you know in the united

states at the moment it's like that's

when a woman's kind of like

depending you know trying to decide a


she's going to be a strong independent

woman she don't need no man

then three or four years later she

decides she does need a man and wants to

settle down and stuff

yeah so basically what you're saying is

the russians have it right

well yeah like if you're 30 you're over

the hill right

and the big problem in russia is the

life expectancy i think

mainly due to the vodka and the nuclear

uh missiles and the uh

stackable dolls stackable dolls yeah

that and you know i think the radiation

from the

nuclear weapons factories is the average

life expectancy for men is 64

as of 2019 in russia that's pretty bad

that is very but for women it's 73. so

do they have social security in russia

all right

because they wouldn't even get social

security checks right aarp's missing out

on some money as well over there over

there yeah

absolutely but for women it's 73 so they

can expect to

you know pretty much outlive men by 10

years so if they're

over the hill by 30 and

you know they're going to outlive the

men by 10 years anyway they figure

well let me go for a western man you

know because they

think that oh yeah women are still

finding themselves by you know like

early 30s they've gone through one bad

divorce and all their stuff by making

stupid decisions but

they're still marriable and so russian

women think oh i'm still at the prime of

my life and all this

and but something has bizarrely happened

within the last like say five or ten


i remember looking at a deal with the

women from the golden girls right and

i remember seeing that show when i was

younger oh i have an inappropriate

question about let's go on

but if you remember the women from the

golden girls you always say

okay well they were kind of older ladies


that show in their age in that show

was the same age as women like jennifer


and some other like high

up there kind of celebrities that are

still very very

beautiful and it's it's completely

different now

like that a woman can be in her 50s 60s

who was it uh who's the the british


that uh narrowed it down too much yeah

no the british chick she was in

pearl harbor dark hair oh man i can't

think of her name

british woman with dark hair with some

pearl harbor you talk about um

you're not talking about the daughter of

um stephen tyler from aerosmith

no no she's not that old she's she's

much younger than that

i i can picture right now but it you

find out she's like

you know in her mid 50s and that's

what when i was growing up a woman in

her 30s look like

right kind of fast forward at this time


because it was almost like okay woman

hits 50 she cuts all her hair off

she dies at some funny color she starts

wearing pant suits

and that's what it was nowadays

they're out there in thong bikinis and

dancing around like they're 20 years old

well this is a whole it's extremely

confusing yeah

there's a theory out there which

actually i came up hang on hang on

kate beckinsale there's the name oh yeah


yeah and yeah oh my goodness yeah she

must be like about 92 by now

but she still looks really good but no

there's this theory out there called the

centralization theory which actually i

came up with

um and this was actually for um

something i did in college

and it was about how

girls through the media sexualization

and also the access to clothes

where fashion models kind of like

try and you know attract these kids into

wearing more adult type clothes that you

know they're trying to make 12 and 13

year olds look like 18 year olds and 20

year olds

but also on the other end of the

spectrum they're selling clothes to try

and make 55 year olds look like 30 year

olds and so

they're trying to push this central pool

of identification whereby yeah if you're


12 you can look like you're 18 if you're

50 you can look like you're 30

and and it's all about this

attractiveness and then on the other

hand they want to kind of

push this kind of like girl power thing

of all women shouldn't be

you know recognize judge based upon the

appearance but

hold on you make your entire money

whether it be like

vogue l all these magazines and all

these fashion houses

purposely on sexualizing underage kids

and women who should know better of

trying to show their ass at age 55

and then complaining about the fact that

women are sexualized

not judged by their character other than

their appearance and so i came up this


which was a centralization theory that

it was aimed at

men not discriminating by women based

upon age

and so that you know this this whole

thing i don't think the ageist

movement came in until about 10 years


you know and then it was quickly

followed by the

you know biggest beautiful movement and

so it's now

kind of very you know faux pas to judge

a woman by her size

and her age and that she's capable of


and you know what this whole people who

are trying to push this movement

are the people responsible for it in the

first place and like i know that's a bit

of an aside

but men had nothing to do with this men

were never the people

who pushed the sexualization of young


who tried to push 50 year old women

trying to look

younger we weren't the people who pushed

their stuff

you know we didn't create this

artificial unbalanced environment

where women were constantly having to

spend eighty dollars a month on line

fillers for the under eye

makeup before they go to bed at night

they weren't pushing

thongs for 12 year old girls you know

this is

this is an environment created by

women in this industry and then blamed

men for it so that's my rant over on

that yeah and

i don't want to dwell too much on this

but i got to add a little bit of color

to that

the opposite side of the spectrum with

men there is nothing more embarrassing

than trying to look at a guy that's in


let's say 40s i'm wearing skinny jeans

that is exactly

wearing skinny jeans wearing wearing the

little bedazzled jeans

wearing shirts that don't fit him all of

that stuff

it at least women can get away with it

because it's like okay

you know women take more pride in their

appearance than men do but the man that


tries to really take too much pride in

their appearance

and try to appear so much younger it

reminds me that steve buscemi thing

where he's

got the skateboard on his back and he's

like how are we doing fellow kids

it's so embarrassing it's embarrassing

to men and men just don't

realize how embarrassing it really is

yeah i don't want to take this point to

say i know

in a lot of our podcasts we joke about

women and some of it can come across as

sexist but

do we apparently according to some of

our emails

um but you know i mean i love women

women are fantastic

but i do think that a lot of the


women face in society are created by

women whether it be jealous women

women who just want to make money and

exploit women

and then you know dislocate place the


elsewhere get the focus pointing towards

people who are not really

you know the apex apex of the issue or

of the problem and i think

you know that's a big that's a big thing

you know we talk about and we joke about

women moaning women whining about

things but you know to be honest i mean

if i think about all the things

my girlfriend whines at me about which

is a lot which is lot

she's probably right 90 of the time

let's go with 98. no i'm gonna go with

90 because she's probably listening to


and you know i mean i agree with it but

you know the thing is the expectations

placed upon what women want

and what men want you know haven't


changed women still want regardless of

how independent they are

you know and how long they go through

this struggle of i don't need no man at

the end of the day

we're wired to want companionship and

this was what this whole podcast was

about this mail order brides that people

would go

to these lamps to try and find a

companion whether it be the on the mail

initiation part

of sending these letters you know to try

and find a female or

female trying to you know respond to

these letters

basically we want companionship and it

doesn't matter what men

like about women what women like about

men and what we dislike about each other

we want companionship

and mostly we want companionship with

the opposite sex

and yeah there's things we don't like

and i think that's because

as we grow up mostly in the early years

of our life

our friendships are same-sex friendships

and we get used to liking things and

people agreeing with the things we like

and then all of a sudden

we're kind of thrown into forming a

relationship with somebody who's a

tiny bit opposite of us on certain

things you know that's not in our

formative years that's already when

we're developed and that's where it's

like oh women don't like this about men

men don't like this about women

but at the end of the day this whole

thing male order brides it doesn't

matter how many thousands of years you

go back

a man wants to find a woman a woman

wants to find a man and

you know again going the progressive

route i don't care if a man wants to

find a man

once find a woman that really doesn't

matter to me

right you know people want to find a

companion and that's this whole mail

order bride thing i mean it was it must

have been a difficult thing i mean you

don't want to wait six later

six weeks for kind of hey did you like

my photo

right and imagine the reply and it comes

back and it gets to answer the question

you know what it's like when you're

expecting the text and it doesn't answer

the questions you take so you have to

kind of resend it

absolutely imagine that by pony express

yeah my daughter gets mad if i don't

click the like button on instagram when

she posts a picture

and i haven't hit the like button on

that within 15 minutes

you know one of the things about mail

order brides that you have to be really

careful about

nowadays where you get them from okay

because like if you get

um i don't know maybe like a russian

brides or like ex-soviet bloc they don't

expect you to sponsor their entire

family to come over

right so say you got i don't know a

bride from the ukraine

you know you're not thinking all right

well you know a mother

her grandmother all her you know cousins

and all this are also going to look to


sponsored and you know all 15 of them

are going to live in your three-bedroom


but a lot of the asian countries

okay like philippines and stuff

southeast asian countries

their culture is that if a man marries a


that the man has to be willing to take


that woman's immediate relatives like


grandmother and everybody else to take

care of them so they all come and live

with them

okay so i'm out on that one not signing

up yeah i'm not signing up right i'm not


i mean especially if it's like filipino

bride so it's like well

a 99 of the time there's small boobies

and i'm gonna have to look after a

mother and a grandmother for the rest of


which if they're sleeping in the living

room with the irritable bowel syndrome

definitely not signing up for that one

no no i i mean i was out on

having to inherit all that other family

i mean it's bad enough

when you haven't even met the person

you're supposed to be with

right right and then now all of a sudden

you have this entourage coming behind

them of

all these other people you haven't met

no well imagine that

like you know you you've got your

filipino bride over right

you're there in your bedroom do they eat

curry in the philippines no

they they foe that pho word i thought

that was thailand

well they might do it there as well it's

pretty much the same place

i don't think so it's called different

names but it's the same place and

guarantee it's just

thailand just make better plastic toys

for kids no i agree with that

right was it thailand or taiwan no they

make good toys as well but

chinese aren't recognizing taiwan at

this point i remember

them in hong kong they've got a bit of

an issue is now which one of them makes


toys for the mcdonald's happy meals uh


okay yeah um good toys good toys yeah

non-poisonous paints and chemicals right


like the old days were remember the


those first toys which came out they

used to be painted with lead paint

and so kids would lick and there was a i

think a lawsuit

right i don't know who produced the toys

but they would lick the smurfs hats

and the paint would come off but it was

made with lead paint and there was a

whole bunch of like issues with

this sounds like a problem for inner

city detroit

what because of their smurf fixation or


why detroit they're the smurf fetish


they're very close to canada so almost

canadians that explains everything yeah

so believe it or not not every eastern


i don't believe you is actually happy

about losing their females abroad


at some point you think one of these

countries would be like you know what

we're losing a lot of our

really good females overseas well um

in 2005 okay president of belarus

got no freaking clue where that is i've

heard of it and i know it's somewhere

over close to russia

he attempted to regulate marriage


which i'd set up in the country of


and he didn't want western men drawing

his country of their child-bearing women

well that makes sense i mean you got to

replenish your population right so he

was trying to do the right

to me i read that and i just kind of

like thought the movie borat

you know right yeah it's very similar

yeah no that makes total sense so

good for him yeah i'm glad he tried to

take care of it yeah so i mean we get

like okay we're talking today you go

online you want to file a mail

order bride right or now an internet or

a bride

who do you think is like really

dominating the space

i'm gonna have to go with an asian

country yeah like

china china certainly china yeah is it

china dominates okay okay we got a

problem we got a problem right now

because this podcast dominating


well but this podcast that we've done

every time you've asked me a question i

think i've got it right and you haven't

tried to stump me yet

so i'm just so frustrated that

this is the most predictable podcast

we've ever had in terms of

answers there's no way i could have

stumped the shepherd on any of

uh the questions of this okay well

thanks for just destroying my

stuff yes there you go yeah now i'm not

exactly sure it's the case with chinese

people who don't actually live in china

right because i've got i've actually got

some friends

who you know who have you know their

second or third

generation chinese people love them

they're fun

and everything but i think so you're

talking about people of

chinese descent like they grew up in

china but have been migrated to another


no not really now i'm talking about

people i know who are chinese

and you know that maybe their parents or

their grandparents were originally from


not what i just said i don't know i

wasn't paying that close attention well

i know you don't all right

so no chinese people right so the ones

who have lived here

for a while or the ones who you know

maybe their parents or grandparents

moved over

and also the ones i knew in europe i

mean they're fun

smart intelligent people independent

personalities but i do

think you know how china is if you're

getting a bride directly from

china at the moment that you're pretty

much doing the equivalent

of ordering a mcdonald's drive-through

meal you know it's the same thing it's


got regulated haircuts they're all

indoctrinated with the same

education from my infant years and so

you're not really getting much deviation

right it's not like you're getting a

girl from wisconsin

and you could end up with a brunette a

ginger with no soul

but if you got a girl from wisconsin she

would be able to make cheese

yeah there's not much

cheese in chinese food there really

isn't is there

i don't do they have cows in china i

don't think so

don't they worship them over there no

i've seen to you oh

but the indians are the best so they

made the right decision yeah

yeah yeah but there's no cheese in

chinese food why is that

i mean cheese makes everything because

they don't they don't have cows in china

oh i wonder if we could import cows into


and now that the export mate remember

export is sending them

import and you can't import to china

because we don't live in china

yeah that's right but we could put cows

over there and then we can put them over

there what we're doing we put them on a

boat to china cows know how to swim

well maybe not china why not not

well a we live in texas what we're gonna

put them in the gulf of mexico like hey

put label on them sticky note hey go to


yeah but they can go through the panama


not china well now they they go around

they're going to go back to your

original cape of good hope

yeah if that's the one against china but

that's what the panama canal was all


so they didn't have to go down there so

we can't hey

you've missed the whole point of the

original part of this podcast

we fedex them we fedex the cows to china

yeah but like you talked about before

with the mailing the women no no no no


hey have you missed out on the whole

thing from the last 10 years

if it fits it ships we just need to get

a big enough box doesn't matter about

the way

same thing with the women same thing

with the cows yeah

so we gotta find a really big box to put

cows in

yeah yeah i'll work on that next week i


so yeah i i don't honestly know

if you're getting a bride from china

whether there's going to be much

differentiation so i mean

you're definitely going to get a bride

because what is it like 1.2 1.3 billion

people in china like over half of them

are women and

you know they kind of kill a lot of

female babies there because they don't

like him and stuff

so if you're born a female and actually

get to grow up you're already lucky so

i'm figuring

right if i want a chinese bride i'm

going to have about

0.6 billion minus the ones that are too

young minus one's too old so maybe about

point three so maybe about 350 million

potential matches pretty sure they're

all going to have the same hair color

same hair length because again it's

regulated and they get beaten if they

don't follow the protocol

all have the same education so i mean

you know again it's like ordering a

mcdonald's cheeseburger you know it's

not going to be the greatest

cheeseburger on earth

but you know getting a cheeseburger

there's a bun

there's some meat and there's some

cheese and i think that's what it's like

getting chinese

mail order brides directly from china


there's no cheese in china because they

don't have cows well

outside of that i think actually

you know what the biggest problem with

this scenario is

that there's no cows no no that's not

the biggest issue

the biggest issue is because of the


is then when they come over right then

calling you affectionate

names like baby and darling instead of

western capitalist pig

ah yeah does that be the thing it'd be


oh shepard you western capitalist pig

should be like oh shepherd my darling

yes i think that's gonna be the hardest

thing get them

not to like hate you right out of the

box which if we get them via fed decks

it probably will be

right out of the box yeah but maybe you

could just

kind of spin that around i mean you

could explain to them

that they could somehow turn that

word into affectionate just like we used

to say you know back in the 80s and the

90s you called a

a female a chick right but a chick is

like a little chicken and so maybe we


reinvent that word maybe western

capitalist pig

could be a term of endearment

especially when we get the cows over

there so they can have cheese

imagine how much better they would feel

you know you know there's a whole

you know there's a whole process right

cows don't just like

spit cheese out the tit well

no they have to have a cheese factory


yeah that's the next investment but

china is known for their factories so we


if we got the cows over there imagine

the cheese trade in china

it could be huge well you've got to wet

their palate for it you've got to

introduce it

to chinese people eat pizza

wondering in china pizza yeah

because i know it wasn't invented in

italy no it wasn't

yeah i don't think it wasn't now no i'm

pretty sure it was invented in china

isn't that where little caesar was from

wasn't caesar the

head of china and that's why we have

pizza now

no oh no i don't think so

i think they i think the chinese built

the uh website for laura says

that probably so

if you were divorced would you consider

a mail order in a net bride no what

no no no if i get well you don't go

anywhere to meet anybody so what do you

mean no

well no i just i i love my wife

and if i lose her then i'm just gonna be

by myself

well no that's not true you're gonna

move in the extra bedroom with me and my

girlfriend because then you and i can

play xbox every night

well exactly but i i don't need no woman

you ain't need no woman you're a strong

independent man that's

right right yeah so i think my deal and

and by the way

because i'm married and i have you know

my wife and my kids my rocket league

abilities are starting to slip a little

bit yeah

you you actually rank below me now i


like way below me i know so how to fix


so i think i mean i think i would

actually go that route

and i think my ideal would be like a

bollywood level

attractiveness indian woman because we

know those indian women

bollywood women are like beautiful

they're like princesses queens

i'd want a 25 year old like bollywood


attractiveness queen from india because

those women i mean they're smart

you know they can cook you know

yeah but they make a lot of curry over

there that's why you're thinking this is

why they're

that's why they're perfect for me but no

i said no i mean they're smart

they're beautiful sierra i think i think

i would get my bride my male bride from

india because they are

wonderful women oh i think that's where

i think sorry

i i check all my boxes yeah i'm just too


to look some of my boxes they check

twice well i i would just be too lazy to

look i'd be like

look at all this extra free time now i

can play xbox and family

so i think the greatest tale i ever

heard about

mail order brides all the such was from

a friend i had in england

he was an old dude he was like i don't


just old but he was an ex-world war ii

veteran you know the greatest generation


he actually ended up marrying a bride

from uh poland and he got married in

1946 like a year after the war ended


and um he got her over and i think he

got her over in like with about six

months and wouldn't

you know many immigration rules and that

and he said it was going

fantastic for about three months and he

got her on this

fast track earning the english language

and this is where things started go

downhill he said uh

and i quote she began offering her own

opinions which is a no-no

right would tell him no on occasions

again these

were his own words and she was terrible

at cooking proper english food and

didn't seem to want to take correction

on the matter

so he would tell us this like every time

we'd see him

you like he would moan about his wife


but he was married to her at this point

like about 35 years

loved the absolute crap out of her but

still had some complaints

but remember like in the end of the

season meeting he was supposed to be

giving out

trophies or at least like all the

managers and captains and

you know everything everybody do with

all these teams

and he stood up and he actually gave

their speech about

you know like unity with teams you know

team ship and all this other stuff and

he went off on this scene he said he

said about his wife

and you know there were a lot of young

coaches there a lot of young players and

he said um

if you get a wife from overseas they're

not all they're cracked up to be

he could have left it there but he says


if you're gonna get a wife from overseas

don't teach them english

because the moment you start teaching

them english they're gonna start

disagreeing with you

so i think that's that should be canon

in getting a

mail-order bride well i think we

explained everything about mail order


as we typically try to do and we

certainly appreciate y'all listening

and we will catch you on the next one