In Other News - April 16, 2021

welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we have

another episode of in other news and

once again we would like to welcome from

on an

island with pat beeman pat beam and pat

thanks for joining us once again for in

other news

max tristan i tell you what i wait all

week for this

great great so uh let's hear our first

news story well i've got some uplifting

news this week

oh it's good the last couple of weeks

there are a

sporadic number of deaths caused by

humans across the articles whereas this

week

most of the deaths are actually caused

by animals oh

all right well that always that always

makes it a little more light-hearted

so here's one okay just to kind of

bring in the topic hundreds of lethal

puffer fish

full of poison deadlier than cyanide

wash up on a beach in south africa

killing a dog

a pet dog well is there a different kind

of dog uh that's those stray ones

oh like a feral dog like a coyote

so but it was somebody's pet dog like

yeah because they're too far in land i

don't think

i'm gonna get any puffer fish washing up

killing any dogs on north tarrant

parkway yeah

are there coyotes in south africa no i

don't don't they have jackals

is it dingos they're dingoes aren't they

yeah they do have dingoes in africa but

i don't know if that's the same bit of

africa

remember our geography with africa is

like south it's

africa and the rest of africa yeah

there's yeah

it's the big one over there in the

middle of the globe it's the big bit and

then there's a small bit of the

oh yeah i got you yeah okay so puffer

fish tougher fish yeah washed up

uh i don't know how i killed the pet dog

i don't know if the pet dog actually ate

one of the puffer fish or one of the

puffer fish in its last throws of dying

decided to kind of like

bite you know the dog or i don't know if

they kind of like spit

their something don't they just puff out

like a

what is that animal called the porcupine

then the porcupine kind of puff out

no definitely not now i think he just

kind of flexes you know like he's at the

gym and he's taking a selfie

and when he flexes all his spines come

out that's how that's how porcupines

work

same with hedgehogs i've read it on the

internet it's really a poorly written

story if we don't know how

the fish has delivered his poison

so do you think porcupines have

instagram accounts

some of them have got to have because i

i follow like about four or five vishla

dogs on instagram and they're hilarious

yeah how many followers do they

typically have oh

tens of thousands yeah more than us and

they all look the same as well

do you think it's the same beastly dog

with five different accounts

it might be because like i said they all

look the same to me

i mean i've got i've got a v schloer and

if it wasn't for the fact she's as old

as dirt

and she's got white on her face i

wouldn't be able to tell her if somebody

swapped her out

i wouldn't know does she have an

instagram account

she does but it's only got like one

photo on it

so apparently tess gridley who is an

ex patriot from sheffield in england

and she's a doctor she found hundreds of

poisonous puffer fish

washed up in south africa and she said

that their evil-eyed

eyed pufferfish now the south african

government has identified the creature

and it's actually called a lethal evil

eye pufferfish that's the name so kind

of get

get what you pay for with that name so

there was the whole school of them

though right

well or was it just one fish i thought

you said there was lots of

thousands of them yeah so that's where

it says hundreds in the art core then it

goes on to say thousands so i don't know

who's counting them

glad yeah right uh dr gridley she says

the beach is 200 meters

or like out what's that in yards it's

like 230 yards i think

i'll take your word from our house and

we were on a family walk

i can't say how many there were as i

only looked in a small area i was with

my kids and dog

and prepping for field work so it's a

short visit but if you did count it it

would have exceeded hundreds

okay she was on a family walk with her

kids and her dog was it her dog that

died

it just says one dog was killed as a

result of the mass stranding

according to the afri oceans

conservation alliance

a local ngo now i don't know about you

but they've got a much more advanced

system for tracking pet deaths than they

do here in the united states because the

pet gets hit by a dog it's like oh dead

dog

so a pet gets hit by a dog how does that

happen

gets hit by that car

[Music]

hit and run dog oh i hit him dog okay

that makes sense

i think we just need to move on to the

next story right this one isn't so much

as a story

as a headline and a photo it says

veteran

veterinarians treat exotic br their

they have actually spelt veterinarians

wrong that's why i was reading it wrong

says tree exotic bird realize it's just

a seagull covered in curry does tristan

realize this is a podcast and people

can't see this

well yeah but yeah we just want to show

you

so you can comment on it yeah so pat

here's the

seagull covered in curry yeah honestly

it's probably making tristan a little

bit hungry because he really

he likes his curry does that look like

an exotic bird to you pat

it looks like a golden bird as a matter

of fact yes it might be a phoenix

looks like it's from a video game golden

phoenix yes

yes so that's it phoenix's are not real

right or are they

really never been to arizona no that's

true

phoenix is a real is that where the

phoenixes are from is arizona no because

if you set fire to them they

rise up again from the ashes so that's

why phoenix is so hot

yeah okay that's why it's called phoenix

it's named after the bird

so the birds not named after the city no

oh okay

the other way around isn't that what's

on the front of a

trans am as a phoenix like the big bird

well big bear doesn't sesame street no

no the big bird on the hood of trans ams

isn't that a phoenix

says the transami bird no it's a pontiac

okay is that the same as a cadillac yes

okay well that's the phoenix then

they don't make pontiacs anymore i don't

think oh it's unfortunate it's one of my

favorite car companies but

still have a pontiac but it's an old one

yeah i do

miss pontiacs especially the ones with

the phoenix's yes yeah

so toxic people could become a reality

and we're not talking about meghan

markle

humans could be on an evolutionary path

to developing

venomous saliva what do you think about

that pat i think it'd come in handy

well yeah you spit somebody and kind of

poison them kind of goes back to the

puffer fish

yeah yeah there's like a theme here

you've actually kind of put these

together where

you could actually call this kind of a

theme that's going on i mean basically

animals being [ __ ] i don't know

something along those lines uh so

venomous so would you have to spit

in somebody's mouth or just spit on them

i don't know

depends on the venom how powerful it is

because some of it can be absorbed in

the skin i mean like

when you even touch a poisonous toad

inappropriately

it can be absorbed through your skin

that's true yeah like poison ivy

you know it's kind of the same thing

yeah except not an animal

yeah so i'm kind of looking forward to

that it doesn't say kind of how many

years we're gonna have to wait but i'm

assuming it's probably more than like 10

or 20 so

yeah probably true i thought i was

looking for a date on it i was

thinking like they're going to bring it

in you know like humans have poisonous

venom in like 2026 but

so how bad would that be if we figure

that out while we're on our way to mars

like

elon musk put some people on the ship to

mars

and then all of a sudden they figure out

one of those people have this problem

it's a benefit it's not a problem it's

an evolutionary benefit

but the martians would be immune to it

uh i don't know they might be more

susceptible to it

there's only one way to tell how french

kiss emotion maybe that's why we drink

alien ale beer we can

test the toxicity of our saliva on

alien life forms by french kissing them

yes yes

speaking of alienal beer pat you're

enjoying an alien ale beer here today

i am enjoying nailing ale yeah it's one

of the finer beers yes we

we are all enjoying an alien ale while

we record this

you know late on a friday some woman

who's

complaining a bit i think she's left

horrified after her accountant boyfriend

sends her an invoice for their first

ever romantic weekend away

complete with a spreadsheet breaking

down every cost to the scent

i don't know what she's wondering about

the there's no

name of the person right what in case we

want to hire them

well i'm just making sure it wasn't me

it sounds like something i would do oh

no it says an

unnamed woman voiced her upset after a

boyfriend sent her an itemized invoice

for 167.99 to cover her half of their

trip away

she said she would have been happy to

pay for her for the weekend but she felt

weird that her accountant partner was

treating her like a client

now do you think he only did that

because he was disappointed with how the

wiki went

well i think she's incriminated herself

a bit here because she says she's always

insisted on going

halves on any dates and so when somebody

actually calls her out on it and says

all right then

here it is broken down yeah it's all

pissy about it well

okay exactly so he just broke it out and

he was trying to be

fair if she went up and said look you

know let's split this

he's saying okay you know i'm i covered

everything i'm basically offering you

some credit

here's what you owe me and here's a

breakdown so i'm not trying to rip you

off or anything like that it's not like

i had to buy one get one free coupon

and my part's free yeah i would have

paid for that i don't see anything wrong

with this

yeah i don't either i think she's just

whinging do you remember that story we

did once

about the uh robot which was hitchhiking

across

yes the world and hitchhiking across the

united states and it got to philadelphia

the city of brotherly love and then it

got beaten up and ripped apart right

yeah that's a sad story that one

well apparently a man was shot dead in

philadelphia

while filming a movie to end gun

violence

oh man so like a documentary about it

yeah

so i guess we're not going to get to see

that movie because he didn't get to

finish it no

he was inside a house unless though

maybe he was filming the last scene i

mean that'd be a heck of a way for the

movie to

end yeah he was actually inside a house

in north

philadelphia near the 1900 block so if

anybody's listening don't

move there why did i just get the prince

of bel air theme in my head now

or that was that was west philadelphia

talking to individuals whose family

members were victims of gun violence he

went

outside around 8pm to get extra

equipment and was shot multiple times

so there's a lesson there to be learned

it's a tragic story but

yeah don't make films well yeah and

don't live in philadelphia

sorry to her all of our uh philadelphia

listeners

i also take all the equipment in the

house the first time around right

yeah so there's three lessons to be

learned from that follow those steps

you're immune from uh gun violence

if they would have just moved to

california they would have been safe

yeah

because they don't have guns in

california

no gun violence in california i'm pretty

sure that's true yeah

syrian illegal immigrants disguise

themselves

as volleyball team why do you think

volleyball is that easier to disguise

yourself as a volleyball team

you don't need a lot of them you know a

lot about you know baseball and softball

and stuff

is it hard to kind of disguise yourself

as a

softball team well you need some

equipment i think that's probably reason

volleyball

right what what don't they need a net

and a ball

provided by the venue oh but then how do

you know they're volleyball players

unless they're wearing those tight

shorts because i'm

thinking this is probably like a bunch

of men as normal so how do they dress up

as volleyball players because we know

how

female volleyball right that's the only

reason we watch it with the sound off

sure but you know i don't know how male

volleyball players look

but is it beach volleyball or inside

volleyball because that's two different

uniforms it is yeah don't they have a

lot of

sand in syria so it's probably beach

volleyball yeah

if we could have made a better job of

having a wall there there'd have been a

lot more sand to be honest but probably

yeah

it says a group if but if that's true

though

there'd be a lot less volleyball be a

lot more beach volleyball

yeah but if you get rid of all the

players you can't play as much

volleyball

tournaments will take much less time

yeah that is true actually

yeah a group of syrian illegal

immigrants were arrested at an airport

in athens

over the weekend done at what weekend

after pretending to be a volleyball team

with the goal of illegally entering

austria

so they're in greece right athens all

right from

from syria in greece trying to get into

austria i mean what's wrong with greece

it's a lovely country

so i guess there wasn't a direct flight

it's oh here we go

the nine men attempted to board a flight

so it's actually men and pretended to be

a volleyball

volleyball team dressed in similar track

suits which are kind of like warm-up

suits

okay according to a report from the

greek newspaper

proto-thema the nine men were also found

in possession of fake

romanian passports and were arrested

after they came under suspicion from

security guards working at the airport

is volleyball really that big in austria

i think it would be bigger in romania

yeah because there's too many kangaroos

in austria

yeah that's true plus it's like the

other side of the world

right it's a long ways to go to play

volleyball against kangaroos so in our

latest covid scare cuddling

after lockdown may cause mutations

says virology expert would you think

about that pat

well i'm wondering if those are the

mutations that you get that shoot

poisonous

mucus well i thought i was thinking more

about x-men

mutations hang on pat might be onto

something here

what if that's one of those after

effects of covid well you can do a snot

rocket and it's like

yeah yeah and then it's this mutated

form of

covet now yeah it's going to take a few

years of practice to really get that

to be unless you're a farmer they're

really good at that

what snot rockets farmers are yes

farmers insurance or farmers no farmers

that actually

grow stuff okay ranchers too you know

they don't grow anything they just

take care of the cows they just spit no

it is not rocky yeah they do whatever

our produce that we eat and we buy fresh

at kroger

yes well only the american ones though i

think all our produce from kroger comes

from

like mexico i'm pretty sure okay

i believe so a leading british

molecular virology expert has urged

people to refrain from hugging their

loved ones even as

lockdown restrictions are eased in

britain

as contact may enable the virus to

mutate ah i thought they talked about

mutating people

oh me too but i could also see since the

guy is british maybe he just doesn't

want to hug his family well yeah it

doesn't show a picture of him or his

wife or his relatives so

to me that most likely that would be

pertinent information we need to know

he said they may be tempted to hug their

grandchildren or hug the family members

but it's incredibly important that they

don't do that

i don't want to be a doom merchant but

the more risks we take the more chance

we have

of the virus coming back and bite in us

now when did the virus grow teeth i

don't know i didn't know a bit now i'm

even more concerned wow

i wasn't scared of the coronavirus

before but now it's got teeth it almost

reminds me of some of those little

animations yeah

and do you think it looks like a like a

little cartoon ball that

bounces around and then we'll bite you

get this he's a professor right

so he's using very professorial language

here he says

there's still a lot of virus out there

that's not very professorial

there's a lot of virus out there it's

like 12.

you know what even even you reading that

in your accent

that doesn't sound like a very british

sentence either it doesn't does it

no this is anecdotally we've all

witnessed it

various surveys suggest some people

who've had a single dose of vaccine

may feel like they've been protected

protected and they're having visitors

and they're meeting up with their family

and he goes on to warn that human

contact could lead to mutations

of the chinese coronavirus which could

become immune to vaccines sounds a lot

scary

that is scary so you scary bs well yeah

but

see once again you're trying to kind of

bring us down again

now i'm i thought we were almost over

this age of covid

and now you're saying this next wave

their virus is going to bite you

i guess at least you'd know when it hit

right it's like when you get a mosquito

bite you're like oh

okay i may or may not have just got

malaria right so

now all of a sudden you oh i think i

just got coveted i got a covered bite

pat you had covey do you remember being

bitten

sure before getting it no and that's

though the bummer i didn't realize that

i had had it

do you think that maybe your wife karen

she got

bit by the virus and then when she was

biting you during love making you

somehow contracted the virus from her

then

what do you think maybe i can't i can't

confirm or deny that that

may have happened what what if karen got

bit by the virus and they cuddled

and that's how pat got the virus right

so we're gonna expect a mutation soon

yes so maybe maybe pat has the evil

covered saliva from the mutation of

cuddling where it's gonna be

on an island with pat beeman who has

grown an extra arm out of his back

yes yeah i look forward to that episode

the sad part is though pat

still doesn't do video on his podcast so

we'll never be able to see the third arm

sticking out of his back oh

if i get a baby arm you'll have me okay

he's

he's gonna be doing some crazy

breakdowns with that extra arm growing

back now we're going to have to get a

hold of some folks to set him up some

video

just we're going to play some beastie

boys he's going to be doing some

breakdancing i like it he's going to be

spinning on that arm

out of his back and be brilliant see i

told you this is going to be a happier

news

episode than the other ones yeah at

least we spun that one more to a happy

positively

we're all about positivity yes so this

next one is also positive

off-duty firefighter who moonlights as a

beekeeper

because why not saves new mexico man

from a swarm of fifteen thousand bees

that flew into his car

through an open window as he left the

grocery store why did the bees target

that dude's car

did he buy a bunch of honey i don't know

pat i want you to explain this story how

you think it

went before i actually read how it went

well so the firefighter first of all

let's get to him he moonlights as a

beekeeper

but i assume he was at the grocery store

in his capacity as a firefighter

if you asked me oh thank you i said off

duty firefighter

oh no he's off to e right so it won the

911

okay so just just hanging out just he's

off work

that has his beekeeper suit with him i

guess i mean talk about happy stance you

know

happenstance however pronounce it or

slide indoors as you like to refer to it

in movie

movie terms yes yeah um yeah but just

imagine that

the one thing you do is an off kind of

like

project or job and you get to do it and

save somebody's life at a grocery store

right it's kind of like uh when like

single moms

travel on airplanes and somebody has a

medical emergency

and they have essential oils with them

yeah then they can immediately heal them

whenever they have a problem on an

airplane so the

albertson shopper returned to their car

around 4 p.m

on sunday afternoon after beginning to

drive away

they discovered thousands of bees in the

car wait now hang on you said

15 000 15 000 so as he was driving away

that's when they discovered those bees

in the car now

i get in my car and there's a fly in the

car i know that before i pull out of the

parking lot i'll pull over and i'll be

like punching the windshield

there's 15 000 bees now i'm not the most

observant

person sometimes but i'm pretty much

tell her there's 15 000 bees in the car

but he could have been driving a limo or

a uh

one of those cars with the dead bodies

in them called

teslas no you're thinking of ford focus

no um oh hearse

percy a hearse yeah that's a good point

i get that confused with her

kisses yeah but that's her shoes isn't

it i think so yeah i thought it was a

really bad brand name until i kind of

actually

i'm pretty sure hershey's doesn't make

cars though so

off duty firefighter we're gonna give

him a name check jesse johnson

was called to the scene because he's a

part-time beekeeper i mean who knew that

and was able to relocate all of the bees

to his own property

only one person the store's security

guard was stung during the incident

this is in new mexico by the way okay so

dude gets in his car

figures out oh there's a bunch of bees

gets out of the car calls the beekeeper

dude

and somehow the security guard gets

stoned yeah uh

they just don't pay him enough today

yeah that's too bad about security guard

brutality in this world today

yeah with the bees yeah could have been

puff of fish that would have been worse

but i wonder did the off-duty

firefighter slash

amateur beekeeper just drive the dude's

car to his house and tell him

all right guys new house and they just

all flew out of the car

i don't know because you have to grab

the queen and then the rest follow

um that makes sense kind of like the

british monarchy

yeah if you grab the queen the west rest

will follow yeah

makes sense so i do have one sad article

here spongebob is the latest victim of

council culture

no this no this cannot be possible

i don't believe you quarantined crab

episode about a

clam flu pandemic is pulled because it

might

stoke anti-asian hate and one where

characters break into a woman's house

and steal their underwear

i think there's two separate episodes

but what what ocean does spongebob live

in

indian ocean if he's got any sense right

that's kind of what i figured

yeah that's kind of sad about the the

clam

virus clownflow the clam flu huh

well virus means something else in

english

food you know it means something else in

english oh

it means ladies private kids yeah

not the boobs the other bit ah yeah the

private bit yeah that's what clam is so

clam flu that sounds like it might be a

venereal disease

oh i got you yeah i got you i never put

those uh

two things together yeah huh have you

ever had the clam flu

uh i have not if not i've had clam

chowder

yeah oh yeah yeah it's much better in

new england than it is down here in

texas i gotta say that is one thing we

lack down here is some place that has

actually very good clam chowder yeah now

can you get the clam flu from

clam chowder only the boston style

if you or not not the boss it's the what

is what's the red one

the new york style or it's uh

manhattan manhattan clam chowders red

new england clam chowders white

yeah so you always want to eat the new

england clam chowder if you eat the

manhattan one you can get the clam flu

okay so i should put a warning on the

products

i think they do but people just don't

pay attention

i mean it's the same people that drink

bleach and eat tide pods i'm pretty sure

there's warning on there too but they

just ignore it

yeah i mean you gotta love freedom we're

gonna do what we want to do

yeah especially here in texas yes so the

episodes are no longer available to

stream on paramount plus

and can't be purchased on various

digital marketplaces

which means as soon as this podcast is

over i'm going home and downloading the

episodes on bittorrent but

anyway so quarantined crab

was deemed insensitive due to the real

life pandemic

the episode can also be interpreted as

problematically displaying exclusion

midlife crustacean was deemed

inappropriate

due to the panty raid at the end i have

not seen those episodes

now i haven't either and and i kind of

feel sorry for spongebob

i mean yeah he always tried to be so

positive

and look at life through you know kind

of rose-colored glasses

working in a little fish fry factory or

whatever it was a little

uh burger joint and the good thing is

where he

lived he was able to own a house on the

salary

of somebody that made krabby patties in

a pineapple

yeah but it's still a house and remember

patrick was unemployed and he lived next

door

oh as we have patrick here oh we do have

a patrick

one of the episodes my son got fixated

on was um

when patrick was working at the krusty

krab

not pat beeman oh patrick starving

patrick star

yeah um somebody calls and say hey is

this the krusty krab

and he goes no this is patrick and then

somebody else calls and says hey is this

a krusty krab he goes

no this is patrick and somebody calls

again like hey is this a crasher crab

no this is patrick and spongebob has to

remind me hey

patrick that's the name of the

restaurant um there's a life lesson in

their path for you

yes yeah i'll remember that when i'm at

the day remember

remember that you remember that when

you're in the krusty krab it's about the

restaurant it's not about you pat

season 12 quarantine track quarantined

crap

they're spelt quarantined with the cayet

the beginning which is brilliant but it

makes me mispronounce the word there are

12 seasons of spongebob oh probably more

yeah because this one would have been

before i think spongebob just stopped

making episodes not that long ago it

says many of the main characters were

quarantined at the krusty krab by the

health inspector

leading the characters to try figuring

out who has the illness

yeah we're gonna have to watch that one

yeah i'll

it even download you like midlife cross

straight crust station where they do the

panty raid

was in season three and they stopped

airing that on nickelodeon back in 2018.

is that the year when stealing ladies

panties became

a sensitive issue i thought that was all

part of just going to college and being

in a fraternity

so here's one which is going to annoy

everybody listening eating just two

sausages a week

increases your risk of heart disease and

early death by up to 51 percent

oh okay so if you eat more you're okay

well i don't know i was wondering if

like because you said eating

if you eat four does it increase it by

102

no because it said just two sausages so

you gotta eat

more sausages so you don't have the

problem right that's probably true

actually so you they normally come in

packs of six right sausages

well it depends on the sausage well and

it depends on

the brand and all that but it's usually

more than two

in there yeah so i think to be safe you

just need to eat all six sausages

yes but if we're wrong we've actually

increased your risk of heart disease and

death by

a hundred and fifty three percent now

i'm gonna stick to our logic all right

just don't start if you're gonna eat

sausage make sure you eat

more than two sausages a week yeah i

wonder what happens if you only have one

a week

well i mean this study i mean it comes

from a reputable university

mcmaster university you know where that

is i don't

you don't and oh you're going to love

this one shepherd

and hamilton health sciences in canada

so this is automatically bs track the

diets and health outcomes of 134

297 people from 21 countries spanning

five continents

but what are they doing in other

countries why can't they just stay in

canada while they're

measuring people are eating sausages why

can't they just stay in canada

why can't they just deal with canadian

bacon you know canadian bacon is just

ham

this has been some kind of a absolute

conspiracy theory that once again is why

canadians frustrate me

they have ham they call it canadian

bacon and they've fooled americans for

years it's a poor man's bacon it is how

close is too close

meet the sisters who are so obsessed

with each other that they sleep in the

same bed

with their siblings husband

use the bathroom in front of each other

swap underwear and even

share a boyfriend now do i need to

reread that one pat for you to

break that down no we need to get deeper

into this story yeah all right because

like this swap underwear yeah i mean

here i'm done with it you can use it or

when it's clean so oh that's a good

point though

i mean that is a detail we need to

figure out what about underway

well yeah but it could be one of those

where it's like okay

i get this pair in the morning and you

get it in the afternoon

well's having trouble with that no he's

trying to figure out why sandra chose

this time to

come up near the door and just start

making noise

that one man there's people with the

drums and the symbols

and the knees just there's a new show on

tlc

which if you remember from episode one

of in other news i said that's the one

which shows like the ads about

women's sanitary i'm stuck every third

right like

commercial well they've got a new show

called extreme

sisters right so i don't know how many

episodes this is gonna run for

but it chronicles the lives of five oh i

guess five then

uh five sets of sisters who are a little

too close for comfort the show's stars

identical twins

anna and lucy desync from australia

who want to have babies at the same time

with their shared boyfriend

ben that ben's happy annie oh it depends

ben is living the life i mean you you

might think ben's happy but

ben might not be happy at all yeah well

there's no picture of the sisters so

so now we don't know how happy i mean we

know pat would find them attractive but

you know i don't know

kind of if it would pass in the wolf and

the shepherd's standards of attractivity

probably not since they're from

australia so not only do they dress

alike

but they are also married to identical

twin bro oh

hold on this is a different pair of

identical twins because that didn't make

sense

oh it doesn't yeah now you've lost all

right then so i'm guessing this is

another episode identical twins brittany

and brianna dean

not only dress alike but they're also

married to identical twin brothers

josh and jeremy salyers oh and there's

as for christina and jessica they

consider each other soul mates and their

unbreakable bond

led to them getting divorced at the same

time i thought though

identical twins were required to dress

alike um

only the girls right boys don't no the

boys don't but the girls do

because girls copy each other all the

time anyway yeah and they're taught that

way at birth so

that part's not a surprise i mean every

picture you ever see they are

always wearing the same thing so that

part i'm not really surprised about

but i'm also thinking like the ones that

got the divorce at the same time

got to go back to the buy one get one

free thing right i mean that

maybe there's some financial benefit to

this

and they're just saving money yeah their

lives cost half as much as a

non-twin triplet or whatever it does so

maybe they're smarter than we are i was

looking for a

buy one get one free deal when i got my

girlfriend but

apparently it's just buy one get none

free oh

i don't have any buyers remorse i'm just

saying i was just looking for a bargain

kind of harkens back to the mail order

bride episode you just didn't want to

disclose that before with the girlfriend

yeah i get that

so is another of an animal being an

[ __ ]

but i love this particular species of

animals so i won't hear a bad word said

against it terrifying moment

angry octopus attacks a lifeguard

standing on the shore

moments before wrapping his tentacles

around his neck

okay before you go any farther yeah i'm

on the side of the octopus

me too i love octopi yeah i mean we know

i love more than one of them

yeah if that's how you say we love

octopuses

um i have seen an octopus in its uh

natural habitat but i'll be honest with

you

i'm taking the lifeguard in this one

well

you know i like to be the devil okay

advocate all right state your case

uh he walks on two feet just like i do

he's out there trying to keep the beach

safe

looking out for people probably hunting

honeys and an octopus comes out of

nowhere

apparently walks up to him and slathers

him with tentacles

but what if the octopus was also trying

to keep the beach safe because that's an

entryway into his home

and he's just playing border patrol well

here's where the details kind of confuse

the story a little bit

for the first time in any of our

articles a former lifeguard so now he's

a former lifeguard so now he's not an

upstanding member of society

absolutely that does make a difference

now because the octopus took his job

because he was doing a better job than

the lifeguard well we don't know that

yet

true he says he's been viciously

attacked not just attacked by an angry

octopus how do you determine if the

octopus is angry

well his mouth is in a downturn position

well more importantly why is he angry

that's what it's about

probably because the body or the

lifeguard wasn't doing his job

keeping the beach safe and so the

octopus said you know what i'm gonna be

a vigilante here i'm gonna take

everything into my own eight hands

and i'm gonna fix this beach you know

we're not one for sensationalism but we

will read sensationalism if we see it

the next two points on this article says

the father of one

not the octopus the former lifeguard was

launched at by the sea monster

in dunsborough in wa what state's that

was that washington washington yeah uh

mr carlson who i'm guessing is the

former lifeguard

described the animal as the angriest

octopus

in geography so i'm guessing he's seen a

few angry ones and thought this one was

more pissed off than most

i i do see some sensationalism in this

yeah

you can't disagree with that right yeah

you're still [ __ ]

extraordinary no question right well i

shall continue further with the story a

former lifeguard has been attacked

at an idyllic holiday spot i don't think

there was anywhere idyllic in washington

except the bit where they filmed part of

the twilight movies was that washington

the woods and yes or oregon it was

probably just

in california they told everybody it was

up there so

at the idyllic holiday spot by an angry

octopus that wrapped its tentacles

around his neck

now there is more to this story pat but

i want to hear your uh defense for the

why did you hear from the octopus all

right yeah it doesn't mention his name

is age or whether he's married or not

see so it's unfair this is this is that

media bias towards octopus and i've i've

talked about this

a lot that for some reason like when we

talked about the mantis shrimp

i don't understand why mainstream media

has such an aversion to sea creatures

i don't know that's why this show does

such a service

sea creature well look what they did to

spongebob right it's the same thing

well i think the final points in this

story probably

tell us all we need to know okay what

are those points tristan

point number one why does sandra keep

doing

out there that she's so bored because

we're having our little treehouse

meeting in here yeah oh okay

now she's moving furniture out there oh

okay let's finish this up so lance

carlson 34

first saw the marine creature when it

lashed out at a seagull

near ramada resort at geography in

dunsborough

western australia oh so wa isn't

washington it stood for western

australia

while walking with his two-year-old

daughter on the beach he videoed the

octopus which

probably explains why it got pissed

splaying

in the crystal clear water see how

they're trying to sell the old

holiday destination but back up

was this the same seagull that looked

like the phoenix well

when they're in the air and they're more

than 30 yards away they all look like

phoenix these except

you know for the sweet rising from there

see it could have been that same phoenix

that set the octopus off

like this guy is about to attack my

homeland i got to get out on this beach

and i got to take care of this phoenix

and then this former body right i keep

calling him bodyguard i don't know why

this this former lifeguard

just has to get in the middle of the

animal kingdom and that's just not fair

well it says he was videoing it and then

it pounced on his neck

when he turned his back which i think

the lesson is don't turn your back on an

angry octopus

or like a hollywood celebrity gets upset

when the paparazzi follows him

right i mean this might have been a

famous octopus we don't know and maybe

that's why they want to

have him remain unnamed well with all

that said thanks for tuning in to this

episode of

in other news pat beeman from on an

island with pat beeman thanks for

joining us again

and we're looking forward to that third

arm growing out your back mate

absolutely

and we will catch you guys on the next

one