Episode 8 - Midgets & Other Short Stories

welcome to this episode of the wolf in

the shepherd today

we've entitled this episode midgets and

other short stories

um first of all i'd just like to thank

everybody who tuned in and listened to

witches and gingers

we had a lot of positive feedback for

that podcast

i had specifically one very helpful

piece of advice from a friend who texted

me

within about 30 minutes of the release

and he said

good job on not being too

mean about the witches because you know

they've sold their souls to the devil

unlike the gingers who have no souls

true so

you know i'm looking forward to his

feedback on this one because oh

absolutely

gonna be dynamite i'm looking forward to

that as well i honestly don't know how

we made it through there without being

too offensive

and i've got my fingers crossed that

we're gonna be able to get through this

one without being

too offensive well you know if we kind

of shake off the hexes we got from the

last episode

um i do want to say that when we're

using the word

 through this podcast we are

absolutely

not trying to be offensive there is

very mixed um opinions on the internet

whether the word is offensive or

not

well and of course we know everything on

the internet it's true

well yeah and that's why like i said

when it split 50 50 i just don't know

what to believe but

um the uh little uh people of america

which was formed in 1957 um

amazingly when i think midgets had their

prime

kind of uh movie appearances you think

around that

type of area they've kind of slunk off a

little bit there's not that many roles

for since

that is true because you've got the

wizard of oz of course and that's

a famous one uh you've got uh

willy wonka and the chocolate factory

charlie and the chocolate factory i

always get confused which one is the

book and which one's the movie right

and so you got them in there fantasy

island the there

the plane the plane oh yeah but don't

have a good career yeah but don't

don't forget he was in james bond yeah

before that

and he basically played kind of that

same character which

i didn't know as i've been going through

the bomb films yeah there he was

so yeah you got that and then you you

move on into

the the 80s and you got some littler

people in there i don't know if you

could

necessarily consider them midgets or not

uh not

too big and then you're right it just

kind of

all died off that the only one that

really

comes to mind actually there's two is

peter dinklage of course

and so i'm sure there's lots of games of

thrones fans out there i'm not

much of a game of thrones fan person but

you got him i remember him more

honestly from the movie elf than i do

game of thrones

oh wow so you got him and then you've

got uh

wee man right jackass yeah yeah and it's

kind of funny

how they called him we man right you

know he grabbed a hold of that name

so right those are the only two honestly

that just

in modern day times as we'll call them

come to mind

yeah and i was actually thinking about

that when i was driving to the studio

tonight

that i don't necessarily think being a

person of small stature

really kind of negates you from many

jobs i mean yeah point guard for the

dallas mavericks

probably not getting the job probably

right tight end

cowboys not getting the job probably you

know there's

i don't think there's as much

discrimination

[Music]

as there are for i guess perhaps

you know physical disabilities because

really if you're a person of short

stature you don't really have a

disability you just happen to be short

um correct you still have you know

there's nothing

cognitively you know deficient you just

happen to be short and most

jobs you know you don't have to have

necessarily i mean unless there's

shelf stacking at walmart on the top

shelf right you know

it's not really oh no let's

let's take that into consideration

though let's say you're the hiring

manager at walmart and you've got some

shelf stalkers out there that you got to

hire wouldn't you want to hire the

 to be able to shell

or stock the bottom shelf yeah so

they're not so much quicker

absolutely so it it's not a disadvantage

if you look at it in a certain way it

could be actually an

advantage but would it also not be so

much funnier for the top shelf one if

you had one

pushing along a stepladder for the other

 to reach the top shelf well yeah

see there you go forward thinking right

there you know

upward mobility that's what it's all

about now i know the uh

topic of midgets is very close to your

heart because you've always had a

fascination

i have them i honestly can say i have

you have

and i don't want to say it's an

unnatural fascination but

it kind of somewhat is um i remember the

first time i saw you

actually see two midgets in the flesh

and you were just standing there

drooling um

it was at a friend's party and we were

playing what is it

cornhole or whatever whatever that game

is um

and i was playing with my beautiful

wonderful single friend kristen who if

you're a

single male in the dfw area she is

available so just send me a message

oh and i had no idea we were gonna get a

dating shout out

well yeah all right yeah but anyway

nothing wrong with that no we we were

playing core hole

doing pretty good our friend eric to the

left of me

had had a lot to drink and i think he

threw a few of his

things over the fence directly to the

left of us and completely missed it

but then we saw the two midgets like

about three rows down

and you weren't even playing the game

you were just standing there watching

them

and i remember watching them and

thinking

they suck at this game you've got to

give them half the distance because i

mean like

you know i mean just just the whole

thing of like i understand you're trying

to compete but look you're not even

reaching it you've got you've got to

move down there

you know so i think there just need to

be certain allowances for

short people you know but we don't have

to treat them as less than just because

they're small

sure i guess it's the same reason why

look

at basketball uh you know to use

something that's stereotypically for

tall people

even in college basketball the

three-point line is closer than it is in

the pros

so yeah they they don't have necessarily

that ability like the pros do to be able

to sink the baskets so they put it a

little bit closer

right so it's basically kind of the same

thing so

in you looking into all of this stuff

and

and doing a little bit of your fact

checking what

what exactly defines

a um well

it's supposed to be somebody who is

proportionally

uh well proportional in terms of their

limbs to their body so basically if you

took

a regular sized human maybe of average

height

for a woman or a male

but they stopped growing around about

three feet

three and a half feet but kept those

same proportions

that is a whereas dwarves have

disproportionate

sized limbs so you're talking more about

like

when when you get that picture of

somebody with the kind of the big head

we're going back we're going back to

pink and english again yeah yeah yeah

that kind of thing so so there is a

difference between

a and a wolf

there is a different sound and is dwarf

actually that

you know term that is used it is it's

well it's called the little people world

i guess what i should say

well i think originally it's just called

dwarfism okay

and that was the term applied to

somebody who had

uh growth impediments i guess you want

to say

but dwarves get very offended by the

term

wow okay so yeah let me get this

straight now so

dwarves get offended by the term

 yes they don't consider

themselves midgets

right but midgets do not get offended by

the term no um

this is already getting very complex

this is going back

to the little people of america

organization

uh they call the

 word the m word they don't even

want to mention it

really yeah so this is the new slur the

m word um and it

only seems to be dwarves who are

offended by the use of the word

when you go on the internet

and you look at stories about midgets

and

[Music]

you know people giving their testimonies

they don't care about the word

 it only seems to be dwarves who

dislike the word

and it's funny because um

[Music]

you know they don't mind the word dwarf

even given its

kind of like connotations with you know

lord of the rings or whatever to be

honest with you i

hate the word i hear the term dwarf and

what i picture is something out of like

dungeons and dragons right

you know i i picture a short like

warrior type person you know big sword

kind of

for some reason a big nose don't know

why i picture that

but that that's what comes to mind when

i hear the word dwarf

that has a disproportionately sized nose

but i get that kind of uh let's call it

mythical uh picture in my head

i don't picture a real-life thing it's

like a unicorn

yeah it looks like a horse and it's got

a horn on its head

but if i heard unicorn i picture

you know something mythical yeah i i

don't picture that being something

that's actually

real but dwarves are real

yeah and um dwarfism in terms of height

is actually uh described

as four foot ten or shorter four

four foot ten or shorter yes so they are

pissed off at six flags for one yeah

yeah not many rides they can ride so the

typical heights for dwarves are between

two eight and four for eight which makes

me wonder kind of like

why they did that four foot ten i think

they were just trying to push the

envelope there because i bet you at six

flags

it's like four for eight or something

and they're like let's sneak a few

dwarves on the rides just kind of even

out yeah yeah

but i can't honestly picture six flags

having like a little people day

because why even bother you'd have to

shut down

three quarters of the park well i don't

know i mean that'd be a good idea a

good marketing thing yeah

i i guess that's because of the safety

guards which come down if you're short

on a certain height you can slip under

those and like

the last thing you want to see on that

roller coaster when it does that loop

the loop thing

is that 360 is like 20 dwarves flying

off in the air that

you know that wouldn't be a good

um but also i mean on the internet it's

very difficult to find much factual

information uh in terms of backgrounds

of uh you know i guess societies or

social groupings of dwarves and midgets

because the whole attraction

historically when you had them

uh in fairgrounds and carnivals and

stuff

was unique right we're talking about

like the pt barnum days

yeah when he had his sideshow and he's

got the bearded lady and he's got

all this other stuff right and then uh

what was the famous one

time is it tiny tiny tim tiny tim you

know it's kind of like that it was like

here's something you don't see every day

right yeah exactly and

let's be honest you don't see a

or a door for a little person or

whatever you want to come you don't

see them necessarily every day if you're

just

much to my dismay absolutely i mean

unless you're working with one or maybe

you've got

uh a neighbor that that is one you just

don't see them that often and i guess

that's

that's part of a little of my

fascination yeah it's just

i i don't know why i'm so drawn to it

but

i i certainly am it it just it seems

unicornish it seems unreal right to me

yeah

and i i think i mean i i find it

difficult to comprehend why the word

 is offensive whereas dwarf is not

i mean obviously i'm neither i would

think it would

honestly be the other way around right i

would honestly think that too because um

one of the first definitions i found for

a dwarf online and i saw this on three

different websites and it came up

on the first page of google so out of 10

search results

when i looked up what is a dwarf this is

the description which came up okay a

dwarf

is considered a legendary creature

resembling a tiny old man

who lives in the depths of the earth and

god's buried treasure

ah so isn't that very similar to like a

gnome you know the ones with the little

pointy hats

yeah because that's what when you read

that

that's immediately what i picture in my

head

and i'm not talking about that cartoon

that david the gnome where they were

little bitty right i'm talking about

kind of the bigger gnomes

but you know you've got all of these

once again mythical creatures in there

so you got the gnomes you got the

leprechauns uh you know this little

person

right yeah i just still attribute that

word

dwarf more towards that mythical pretend

yeah whatever so then you would think

that would be the offensive term right

and let

not to just keep rehashing one but let's

think about that scene in the movie elf

where he's in the boardroom and buddy

the elf calls him an

elf right kind of that same thing you

know in that movie the elves are all

short and all that good stuff that's

kind of part of the premise behind the

movie

so he got real offended by buddy calling

him an

elf now obviously elves a little bit

different

you know the pointy ears and all that

and there's no real elves

i guess unless you're from iceland and

you kind of still believe in the elves

but

do we want to go down that rabbit hole

quite yet i don't know

um well actually i went to a website and

it's called difference between

dot net okay now i can't uh

really stand up and put my name uh

behind the validity of a lot of the

claims on the website okay

but i did actually look up the

difference between gnomes and dwarves on

this website

and again as we don't really kind of

barely

tend to fact-check anything i'm just

going to go with this as fact

oh well once again it's on the internet

right it's going to be true

so it says both gnomes and wolves are

small

human-like creatures the gnomes live

underground

whereas dwarves live in forests and

mountains

ah so but

see once again even even with that

definition

they're saying human-like wouldn't that

as a little person wouldn't that be

extremely expensive

and there's literally a definition out

there saying human-like

rather than a human well you know that

just has this condition

well this is the other thing and like

you know i took

pretty much the first results i got back

on the first page of google search right

so you have to figure these are the most

commonly clicked on

you know links right and um one of the

first ones on google was do dwarves and

gnomes get along

do dwarves and gnomes get older yeah

like as

in like you know do they have any beef

with each other as well they're like

fighting they're just angry they allow

twin to marry

right are they enemies are they friends

you know

you know would they live in the same

neighborhood together or would they

practice

but it was post but it was posted as

like a serious question

it's like the gnomes and dwarves i mean

they get on or not

but also i want to know who's asking

this question and who wants to know and

for what reason

well you know what there's a lot of

bored people out there well there are

but they're

um a similar one like i think just about

one link down

was uh odd dwarves and gnomes the same

and the answer

and this was on i think ask.com

which is a very common website where

people ask a lot of stuff

you know under that asking for a friend

right type thing and uh the

top response was they're likely

originally the same

thing so dwarves and gnomes are likely

the same thing

so that could really be taken offensive

for those that you know

maybe formed their own sect there and

said oh no we

we've never been the same i could see

this

movement behind some dwarves that would

say oh no we we had never been the same

of course gnomes aren't real but

uh yeah i'm you know you're getting that

looking kind of like well that's not

true because i had two in my garden

in my last house that's true well yeah

that

yeah that's a good point but even but

even with reddit though which is one of

the top

obviously social media platforms on the

internet

um when you type in dwarves

the top response for years and years of

like through all that

hundreds of thousands of forums was is

there any actual difference between

dwarves and gnomes

yeah so you've got the great minds of

reddit there at work

and that's their talk and so forth for

those years then they still haven't been

able to solve the mystery

yeah yeah and i mean also on google i

mean on that

very first page and um

you know i had to stop and think about

this question myself when i

read it um i got quite existential for

about five minutes but it came out with

why do dwarves hate giants

um i i didn't realize that

they could but you know what i could i

could honestly see that i mean it

there's always been

even among people that are what we'll

call

normal or average height you know they

they

always seem to be jealous of something

they don't have so they might be jealous

of taller people

right you know think about the there's a

deal that goes around the internet all

the time about

single women that are dating and they

always say you know he's got to be

six foot tall or taller so if you say

i'm five foot she already has turned off

her interest on there even if you say

i'm five foot eleven and three quarters

you're if you don't start the sentence

out with my height is six foot

something they just immediately shut

down three three foot ten is not going

to cut it i i don't think so

he's gonna cut it but unless they're a

millionaire well

yeah because you can be one foot ten and

be a millionaire

and uh absolutely you're gonna get a lot

of hits on your match.com profile

uh one thing i did find

while i say doing research i was just

typing in words and following the first

links i could find

is it's just amazing how many little

people

get led into life of crime

they're right i literally found i

literally found

dozens upon dozens of stories of dwarves

um being led into lives of crime and it

was like

and a lot of the time they're being

manipulated that it's not

like a bunch of dwarves getting together

and saying hey look

you know as tv gigs not working out

since the little people of america

ruined it for us

right so let's go into like robin

jewelry stores um

how many of them were actually being

manipulated by gangs especially in south

america

where they would get midgets or dwarves

and actually get them to do the dirty

work for them

that's interesting because when when you

brought up this topic to me of us

discussing it

i didn't do near the amount of research

that that you did of course

but i did find a quote and i wonder if

this quote i i honestly

i wrote it down but i didn't write down

who actually said the quote but

there's an old quote that says dwarves

are a people

characterized by their short stature

and love of mining and beer yeah

so i wonder if they try to turn to that

life a crime

because i mean you got to have money for

booze you got to have

money to go buy you a pickaxe so you can

go and do your mining

and then once your mining is done you

turn around and you have your beer

you go to sleep and i guess repeat the

next day yeah i mean i'm actually

going to be helping a friend next week

digging up his garden and i've looked to

the prices of pickaxes at home depot and

they are pretty pricey so

you know i think you know if you're a

dwarf you're probably going to have to

rob

at least a 7 11 to be able to afford the

pickaxe and the beer

but they only keep twenty dollars in the

cartridge well they do well they do but

um again what

one of the questions they saw um on the

internet was uh

do midgets get drunk on less alcohol

than a normal person so is one beer just

good enough to get a

wolf drunk i mean that's an excellent

theory because you know the the effect

of

on you is usually determined by you know

basically your body mass index right you

know how tall you are how big you are

and then of course there's tolerance and

all that stuff built into it as well but

it makes sense that a smaller person

could get drunk faster than a bigger

person yeah

so maybe that's why they didn't like

giants i mean you think about andre the

giant

oh god i read some

you see the pictures of him just holding

a camera

seriously get on google and and do an

image search of

uh andre the giant holding a normal

12-ounce can of beer

it's hilarious right to see how small

that is

and you think about how big that dude

was that's probably i mean a 12-ounce

beer is

probably a sip for him right let's be

honest he cracks it open

and it's swallowed yeah it's got to be

but that um

i also thought well it must be pretty

nice to drink like i don't know a

quarter of a can of white claw and then

just pass out for the night

true yeah it does make it to where even

if they

have that interest in mining and beer

and they work all day

and then if they go home and you know

your normal person might buy

a six pack of beer and drink two or

three of them at night

they buy a six pack of beer that's a

week's worth of beer i mean

right yeah they they might even buy the

those aluminum cans that have the

resealable lids i mean maybe they only

drink half a beer tonight

so yeah there's some money savings there

yeah i i sometimes kind of think

um well actually that's not true i only

thought about it today uh

is what do they do when they like buy

something like

vitamins you know like one a day

vitamins and stuff

because you get the child size ones but

you know children's development needs

are different because

you know how their bones are forming

right you know how

you know their systems physiologically

are like forming and stuff

so as a dwarf what do you do do you just

like get one of those one a day

vitamins and cut it into quarters or

what what would you think

you would do well it and it's not just

vitamins though i mean let's think about

even like liquid medicine right it says

on there

you know take a tablespoon so do you

take half a tablespoon

right i mean do you figure okay i weigh

you know

75 pounds and normal adult weighs 150

160 pounds so

am i supposed to take half of this yeah

i wonder if there's a lot of

accidental overdoses right of

over-the-counter medication

right and dwarves or midgets or little

people or any of that just

for that simple fact now you're figuring

they're going to be using the same

amount of

electricity as regular people now we

know they're definitely using less bath

water than regular people so they're

making a saving

there right um it makes total sense

right now

now in terms of clothes so yeah see here

we go with clothes though

they're still buying the same amount of

clothes well as a you could buy

kids clothes but as a dwarf you've got

to go to those specialist

shops online wow as this plane just flew

over

yeah hopefully that didn't not driven

not drip not driven by a uh

 with a grudge yep hopefully not

i mean we're we're still here yeah we

didn't drop a bomb

on us so yeah we uh we dodged one there

yeah

but but think about the laundry though

that's where i was going with the

clothes

so they probably do laundry less

frequently than

your average person because i think how

many more loads you could get yeah it's

kind of like

when you have kids right you know you

can do a lot more of the kids laundry

quicker because you can fit so many more

they're closing yeah i wonder if they

get a discount at the dry cleaner

well that's true i mean they're not

going to get through too many

tide pods compared to the normal person

right you know other than the

millennials who i wonder if there are

dwarf millennials eating tide pods i

don't know

i don't know because some of those tide

pods might be kind of old i think you

you buy those boxes full of them and if

they're not using that much

exactly they expired right something

like that

maybe the novelty wears off yeah but

anyway as they're saying

it's amazing how many dwarves midgets

get lured into this life of crime and

uh like i said i think it's more

exploitation

and the predominant type of crime they

get involved in

is squeezing into small spaces regular

people count

which confused me a little bit because i

thought well surely it's gonna be easier

to find a child than a

right yeah so why not get a child to

sneak in there plus

if he's a juvenile is probably gonna not

gonna get such a heavy sentence anyway

that's true

you know that's true but you know if

you're if you're planning a heist right

a jewelry heist

and you're like dang we just cannot fit

a

regular-sized man in this gap we need to

find a

now how long does it take to find a

 

either you can then either coerce

threaten

manipulate to crawl into that gap as

opposed to some street urchin kid

you could be like kid go climb through

there and we'll buy you a mcdonald's

well see to me it'd be obviously so much

easier to find the kid right

right because as you're posing this

question me i'm thinking

forget the crime thing it it's hard to

find a period right right so now

you even if you find a group of

regular people out there all walks of

life men

women all races everything

there's hopefully now very few of them

that

would want to commit a crime with you if

you

didn't know them right you're asking

random people go come commit this crime

so now you're taking this very small

sect of the population

and you don't know any of them and then

you got to find one that's going to

be a criminal with you right but based

off your research

what you're saying is they're actually

more apt to do it

yeah than say a normal sized person or a

regular size right

see i don't even know if saying normal

size is even offensive

right once again not trying to be

offensive here just you know

talking like we talked but do you think

um

that's one thing which is always in the

kind of or dwarf

psyche that we are predestined to follow

a certain career because you know

seasonally you know for like christmas

halloween all that type of stuff you've

you've got

yeah you've got to be rubbing your hands

together as a or a dwarf when

those times a year come around

it's like you can't even walk down the

street without people chasing

you offering you jobs right but of

course that

that's not something like putting

christmas lights up in

you know some city where you could do

that well yeah put them on the camera

break them down

you know one time a year and make enough

money to

you know live the rest of the year off

that one job right

yeah i mean you think about the the

shopping mall santa clauses right or

right or whatever

and that would be where you'd want to go

snag you one of those midgets

but there's no way that they're going to

be able to make

enough money even if they work you know

12

14 16 hour shifts during that little

rush of say you know right after

thanksgiving to

just up before christmas so you're

talking about almost a month

there's no way they're going to make

enough money in that month to be able to

live

the rest of that year in doing that job

you don't think that like i don't know

somewhere

between like macy's and kohl's

you know the owners are thinking all

right we need to get

four midgets to like go in our grotto

to go into santa's grotto here and they

if it gets close to the deadline that

they're not willing to pay more

to kind of lure a or a dwarf to

get in that job because it's got to be

because they can't be paying a minimum

wage because there's not enough of them

out there

well so what you're saying is maybe

they've unionized and they say

okay i mean i mean is there a

union out there that says okay

you know what if if the tall people are

going to exploit us

and make us dress up like elves from the

north pole

then we're going to have to demand x

amount of dollars per hour to do this

well

i don't think that would be smart money

let's be honest with you and

and i'm offering that advice free to the

little people of america hey maybe

you'll need to unionize

for some of these well well i agree to a

point there i don't think the midgets

would

because midgets again according to the

internet seem to be pretty easygoing

it's a

who are the problem causes those are the

really whiny ones and again the little

people of america seems to be made up of

the dwarfs and not the midgets

so yeah it's probably the dwarves who

have formed this union

and said hey you know if you want us to

play yeah you know

an elf because apparently there's a

shortage of elves

um real elves uh the they're the ones

forming the unions and say hey yeah you

need to pay us thirty six dollars an

hour to you know go and sit there in

santa's grotto and

scare kids right but by that rationale

then shouldn't the midgets create their

own union and say hey don't hire the

dwarves they want 36 bucks an hour we'll

do it for 30 an hour well

yeah and now they're they're all going

to kind of hurt themselves because now

you get these

two unions fighting back and forth and

it's going to lower the wages

yeah but you have to think um sometimes

you know i feel they're a little

ungrateful for some of the employment

they do get i mean you take dwarf

tossing

right i mean if you had a job where

somebody just picked you up and you were

dressed in a velcro suit

and threw you against the wall oh yeah

that's pretty easy money right

made famous the wolf of wall street

right

yeah where they're doing that and then

they have their little talk around the

conference table

about you know well what can we do and

you know can can we look them in the eye

and say no you can't look them in the

eye

and all that and and you sit back and

and you laugh at that right

right but the ironic part is

that was a service that was offered to

them of course this is a movie right but

yeah this is actually stuff that happens

right yeah you can look in some of the

uh

little kind of tabloid type weekly

newspapers you know the free newspapers

that come out and there's always

one with wrestling right it's

like oh wrestling night this

night

and of course they're using the word

 once again

so there's this

understanding i guess among that

community that

there's people other than me that are

fascinated

by midgets well i'm fascinated well yeah

but i don't know

um for some reason once you get a lot of

midgets in a group

they don't tend to make the best

decisions um

you know it's not like you get a group

of a game we don't want to be offensive

by

using the word regular but when regular

people get together i mean i know we're

not

nobody's really a fan of kind of group

think too much especially in the

workplace because it's annoying

but when you get large groups of midgets

together

they don't necessarily make good

decisions um

one of the urban legends um

on the internet which nobody can really

fact-check whether it's true or not

was the cambodian fighting league

cambodian fighting so you have to

remember this is cambodia i don't know

if you remember back in the 80s

70s and 80s like cambodia was the poster

child

of a starving african country sure right

this

this place was like you know it's the

one where they showed kids like almost

look like skeletons and there'd be a

vulture there

yeah that that you can feed for 40 cents

a day yeah yeah

yeah that type of stuff so in cambodia

despite all those issues there are

enough

midgets who formed a fighting league

and if you let's think about it if

you're going to form a fighting league

right

you're thinking you're going to have

enough of an audience who can pay enough

money to come and watch you fight which

is

my first issue right so we're starving

but i can guarantee what these people

would like

more than food and bread sorry food

bread water is they would like to come

and watch

midgets fight all right so that was my

first issue with the entire scenario

well if you have a population that

apparently in cambodia might be

fascinated with midgets right it's kind

of the same thing

with homeless people people say well why

don't they just go out and get jobs and

do that and you give them money and what

do they typically want to do they go buy

booze and they go buy cigarettes and

they go buy drugs

so maybe in cambodia rather than getting

that

food and water they want to spend their

money on watching fights

right and well i mean again the serbian

legend goes that uh

the first fight they had was against a

lion

oh they're not fighting each other no no

no no no

you left that part out no this isn't

like the hunger games oh now

okay see this just got more interesting

oh the very hungry guys yeah that would

be the very end of the

game that would be the definition of the

hunger games yeah but um no

apparently they uh they're first out in

they fall against a lion

um after 12 minutes 28 of the midgets

were dead

and 14 were badly wounded so my first

thought was

oh hold on a moment that's uh 42 minutes

where did they find 42 midgets and

secondly

again as this group thing did they not

think we'll start

out against something maybe slightly

less dangerous like a donkey

or a house cat or a cow or just

something or well they're probably

eating all the cows but

yeah i mean you you got to think like

the first rat out whoever the

leader of this group was you know yeah

we're gonna fight a lion i wonder how

many of them really kind of thought

we stand a good chance sure but let's

also stop and think about

the fact that okay you got this starving

country you've somehow rounded up 42

midgets yeah how did you get the lion in

there

i mean whoever put this together

it had a much bigger brain for

showmanship than say vince mcmahon in

the wwe

right because it's like okay listen got

an idea

let's get 42 midgets and buddy of mine

over here

he's got a lion we'll put the lion in

there

my money's on the lion so i'm gonna tell

my buddy i'll

reimburse him if somehow the midgets can

kill the lion

but if i don't have to reimburse him for

that think of all the profit we're going

to make because now we don't have to pay

the 42 midgets that tried to

get the line because the lion's gonna

kill them all do do you honestly think

there's somebody in cambodia who's that

good at networking that he knows

42 midgets plus the man who knows a lion

apparently there's gotta be this dude to

find anything

it's like yeah midgets i'll get you 40

minutes i'll get you hey

what what if it ended up being uh the

old tiger king guy

you know maybe you know look at what he

was able to put together right

yeah so anybody that's gonna deal in

those exotic cats

they've got some bizarre connections i i

saw a great meme

actually a couple of months ago i was

actually late to watching the tiger king

but i saw a great meme

and it's that famous one of the woman

laying in bed and

looking over his shoulder at the man

who's struggling to get to sleep

and uh her thought bubble is going

i bet he's thinking about other women

and he's thinking in his speech bubble

i can't believe all this time i could

have bought a tiger for two thousand

that that was my one takeaway from the

show as well

and of course as everybody knows we're

broadcasting and recording from the

great state of texas where it is

legal to have tigers and uh you know

i've always thought

i with the tiger king stuff that came

out

and you got good old joe rogan who had

his deal about

people and tigers in texas right and

then on top of that

you've got the covid or

stimulus money that came out right yeah

i mean any married couple

that qualified for that got enough money

to go buy a tiger i'm surprised there

weren't more tiger purchases

i mean that just seemed like the perfect

storm to come together

of lots of tigers i actually think

that's why they

capped the stimulus package yet a

certain amount

so one person could not buy a tiger it

had to be an equal

male and female arrangement in a

relationship for you to actually pull

your money together and buy a tiger

because there wasn't enough money in

that stimulus check

true to actually buy a tiger if you

actually wanted to buy a tiger

and be able to afford the enclosure it

actually relied on both of you being

complicit

can can you imagine though let's say

you're a single mom

with two kids you got 500 bucks for each

one of those kids so you get your 1200

and then you get a thousand because you

got the two kids and rather than

actually feed them

you could go buy a tiger well yeah but

also i mean you know you build a really

bad enclosure

you also don't have to worry about

feeding the two kids past a couple of

weeks after you've got tiger anyway

there you go

um but anyway back to the crime thing um

like i said you know it's hard for small

people to find

consistent employment past the seasonal

stuff

and so a lot of them get lured coerced

manipulated threatened into lives of

crime

and there are a couple of uh cases which

came up

repeatedly when i was researching this

and one of these i actually have to read

this word for word because i can't do it

justice

go for it it says the short troubled

life now first of all the short

troubled life i thought oh

well the short troubled life right it is

the wrong one in there

right right it's almost like there's an

innuendo

yeah yeah did they put quotes around

short or was that just the way

no no i actually did when i wrote it

down but the moment i read it i was like

oh come on this is yeah this isn't like

a uh

talk about a low this isn't a tribute

this isn't a tribute to him

so the short troubled life of a drug

dealing

harlem came to a violent end

when he was gunned down while guzzling

beer

and shooting dice outside of the housing

project

agard which you know they've already

given them the name of some kind of like

norse god a guard agent wow that's the

dude's name yeah

three feet tall had a long police record

um apparently one of the times he was

arrested

he actually said i'm a i don't

want to be called a dwarf

and i found that kind of controversial

again from what was said before about

dwarves you know kind of like being

offended by a word

right he was actually a dwarf

disproportionate arms and limbs

um said i'm a i don't want to be

called a dwarf

so what you're essentially describing

there

is can a

and i'm going to use the term little

person here because i got to talk in the

very generality so can a little person

then

choose their identity just like we have

with the gender identities of choosing

which gender you want to be so can a

dwarf

identify as a well i mean he

probably can but i mean if you look at

him

i mean you're gonna i mean given we know

the difference between

two sure we're going to look at him and

say it's a dwarf yep

or it's but but now can they say

now i don't identify as a dwarf i

identify as a would you think

that

kind of agony of existence kind of

contributed to him

guzzling beer and shooting dice because

he was disappointed he wasn't

a he was actually a dwarf there

could be that but

he was guzzling beer and he was shooting

dice

no mention of a pickaxe well no he

wasn't mining

apparently so maybe maybe he's saving up

for the pickaxe i don't know yeah but

well maybe he was playing dice to try to

win enough money to buy the pickaxe

but you have to think who gunned him

down i mean what threat was he to the

local gang community that somebody

decided to do a drive by

while he was drinking beer shoot and die

so somebody's like

we're gonna shoot that dwarf well let's

be honest if

if you were a member of that gang you'd

say

man that's our sniper now i mean think

about the smaller target

oh yeah yeah that that's that's got to

be our sniper if that dude was able to

gun down a dwarf

or a throwing dice and guzzling

beer then

we've got our sniper right but also if

you're somebody call the navy seals and

hire this

dude but but also i mean like if you're

a gang member does that count as one

phil kill

or just like half a kill or a quarter of

a kill yeah see i

know i actually need like four midgets

or four dwarves to count right

i don't know what the ratio would be and

do you get a full teardrop

tattoo or do you only get half i think

you just got

[Music]

yeah that that's got to be unfortunate

especially in in

that little world and um the second most

popular

story okay um i use the word popular

there loosely

um about dwarves midgets and crime

was uh wrestling midgets killed by

fake hookers fake hookers not really

workers

fake hookers fake okay so

it says the world of mexican

wrestling

is in mourning um so there is a world of

see mexican sea don't judge me by my

fascination so it says

after two of its most famous stars were

apparently

poisoned by fake prostitutes

fake prostitutes yeah so they were

honored

the dwarves were on a promise you know

something was going to happen

poisoned but it didn't actually go into

why

these fake hookers and i don't know why

they're just calling them fake because

they didn't follow through on the

promise

but that there was no motive apparently

that's that's crazy so you got fake

hookers

no motive two poison midgets you've got

to think about that that sounds like a

foreign job i bet you some of those

other

midgets their rivals whatever were like

hiring some

oh it had to be i wonder if it was some

kind of

a different uh mexican wrestling

club that didn't like those guys right

so they set the whole thing up

because apparently there's too many

mexican wrestlers and they had to

thin the herd

right yeah crazy but they're actually um

less likely to get sentenced to the same

um sentences as regular-sized people

no they appear in court for the same

crimes so there there's correlation with

this so

yeah yeah i mean it's almost like they

get treated like juveniles they don't

they don't get the same sentences as

regular-sized people and there was

actually a youtube video which i didn't

have time to click on

but um anybody listening can actually go

ahead and type this in youtube

and the video was entitled what happens

when midgets go to prison

what happens when midgets go to prison

yeah yeah okay

so all we got to do is run into youtube

yeah search

type that in at some point i will

actually look that up but yeah they

they actually receive uh

disproportionate sentences compared to

regular people

because i guess the judges whoever kind

of like

uh take into account what life will be

like

for a dwarf in prison crazy

yeah so i'm curious

what about what we're gonna call

regular i i'm gonna try to use the least

offensive term here

uh regular size people yeah because

they're a little bit on the short side

as compared to everybody else that's

around them being called

a for instance so in one of these

things that i looked up

in 2014 the coach of the cincinnati

bengals

marvin lewis had to apologize

for calling the browns quarterback

johnny manziel

a yeah well i think that was more

about the lpa

um little people of america um

that actually done quite a thorough

job of trying to eliminate the word

 but

didn't care about the word dwarf so much

and so the word dwarf now was like

thrown around for little people even

though they want us to just say

little people but to me i mean

you know obviously i'm not a dwarf or a

 but would you not find it more

offensive being called a

little person as it because does that

name in itself just not suggests that

you're less than rather than just being

called a short person

i i gotta agree with you on that one

that

the one struggle that i've always had

with the

little people term it just doesn't flow

it i almost wish you could come up with

a new word new name or whatever to

describe it because little people just

doesn't

sound creative enough i mean you you

have

names for races you have names for you

know

let's take texas for instance right

you're a texan

if you live in texas i mean we went at

least as

far as as to do that and it and it

wasn't

too much of a you know

challenge to get from you know texas to

texan right

but but at least when you say texan you

get it it rolls off the tongue

it's descriptive you know what it's

saying little people

that just it doesn't roll off the tongue

and it seems to be very undescriptive

of what's really going on and then even

if you look at and i can't think of the

tv channels

but the you know the tv channels that

mostly

women watch that have all the reality

shows you know they they have reality

shows that

uh have nothing but little people in

them and it's

you know little people in miami or

little people la

or whatever it just it just doesn't roll

off the tongue right it's

they got to come up with something

better well yeah i mean you gotta you

gotta block some of them in a room and

say y'all y'all can't come out of this

room until you come up with a better

term right

yeah and um the actual word for fear of

short or little

people in itself doesn't exactly roll

off the tongue this is the word

it's a chondroplasia phobia

now who's going to remember that wow

who's going to remember that word

you could say i have a fear i can't i

can't tell you what it is

yes it's a chondroplasia phobia spear of

short or less

so there there are people out there that

have this phobia

yeah that that they're just basically

afraid of midgets right so

i guess they would be the 100 percent

exact opposite of me right where i'm so

fascinated fascination as opposed to the

faith

this would be the yen to my yang now

yeah so

so take me and one of these acne

drana plasmaphobia people

and put us in a room with midgets

what a science experiment that would be

right but you already

like these people who have this fear

like

if the word dwarf or is offensive

you're not even giving these people the

chance to explain their fear

without being offensive right because

how many people who have a fear

of dwarves or midgets are going to

really be like yeah i

have a chondroplasia phobia

you know i said no i just don't like

dwarfs

and and i wonder i wonder how many

people are out there that have this and

don't even realize that they do have it

oh my ex-wife

no kidding hate midgets and wolves so

they appeared on tv

she had to turn away she had to turn her

head away yeah i mean

there are people out there who so just

like clowns you just

you know like people have an irrational

fear of clowns right people have this

irrational fear of like midgets and

dwarves

hmm they actually have it um i guess

there

are some sad people in all walks of life

i mean if

if you're afraid of midgets you're

missing out

i can you imagine going to a

psychiatrist right

and you know it's your it's your first

visit and so you lay down on the couch

and

and the little psychiatrist you know

they whip out the the legal pad and

they're about to take the notes and like

okay so uh what brings you here today

and you say

i'm scared of midgets you've got to be

scraping the bottom of the barrel though

if that's the reason you're going to the

psychiatrist

well i think i think people go to

psychiatrists for all kinds

of goofy reasons you've got to have a

lot of money left over on your medical

plan to actually use your last remaining

few visits to go and complain that

you're scared of dwarves

well you know if you've got a an hsa and

you got money you got to burn i mean

why not go to a psychiatrist and say i'm

afraid of midgets right yeah

that'd be fantastic yeah but maybe i

should go to one and say i'm fascinated

with midgets well

yeah um maybe you should have looked

that term up on the internet

and figured out what's wrong with me

well yeah but i don't think

you know really generally they're doing

themselves any favors in terms of like

you know the lpa

trying to ban the whole tossing

thing right or the dwarf tossing thing

because

you know it's a victimless event because

you know if i'm a dwarf and i'm being

paid like 25

an hour to dress up in this velcro suit

right

you know they're going to give me all

the beer i can drink which is probably

half a can a milliliter per night yeah

and

you know just throwing me against a wall

i'm sticking there everybody's cheering

i'm getting you know three or four hours

like i said i can have

almost a whole can of beer all night if

i want it so i'm completely blind drunk

um i don't understand what the

complaints are about it i mean

and in in this uh

example that you're bringing it's not

like they're being forced to do it right

right i mean they're voluntarily going

in

and doing this so so why ban that right

that's that's ridiculous to me yeah i

mean it it it started in australia which

isn't surprising

um the whole task yeah we started

their thing like yeah early 80s

started in australia um because you know

in australia

for the most part you've got to worry

about being murdered by every insect and

reptile

there um so you know they obviously

needed to come up with something else

which was entertaining

um but actually in a in america florida

of all places banned it in 1989 i mean

if

it gets banned in florida it's got to be

pretty bad

i mean you're talking about florida

where one of their biggest troubles at

the moment

is that the amount of meth which is

actually flushed

into the sewage system right it's

creating meth gators

and so you have alligators who are even

more pissed off than normal who are

because they're approaching and

yeah because they're on meth basically

and they get addicted to meth and having

non-stop math

and so yeah they're attacking people and

they've had to close

down and rebuild certain golf courses to

actually put up these fences to stop

gators actually chasing the golfers so

we're talking about florida here

right so florida banned

uh the whole dwarf toss in the thing

almost

30 years ago and new york followed about

a year later

which you know new york's new york i

wouldn't think you know like

on your average tourist night in

manhattan

that you know top of your list are like

yeah we'll go yeah we'll go look at

broadway then we'll go see some

tossing

i wouldn't think that'd be a big deal

but florida that one really did surprise

me now that that does surprise me as

well and i guess that's one of the

great things about living in texas

because i can't imagine us

ever banning that uh but

at the same time why would you want

what would be the purpose of banning it

i i'm i'm not

following that logic yeah no one's

getting hurt

the guys are doing it voluntarily i'll

bet you a few of them go

well okay let's be honest there was

probably some injuries right

but there's some head fest once but

you're also

if you think about it that was kind of

along the lines of the popularity of

those velcro suits where you'd run and

jump on the trampoline and you kind of

do it yourself right you'd stick

yourself to a wall yeah

so you had to pay for it yeah yeah and

you had to pay for it yeah so you're

choosing to do that yeah

and now they ban something like that

that you know

i i don't know i i think that's kind of

ridiculous yeah and

i am you know i was trying to be

sensitive

and i was trying to look at it from

you know midget's dwarf's point of view

and so i was looking up

um you know so what you're saying is you

kind of squatted down on the ground or

yeah

yeah yeah um well well i was trying to

uh put myself in the place of a little

person and think

you know what prejudices would you face

and repeatedly those prejudices if you

could talk to

regular sized people what type of advice

would you give to them

and say hey don't treat us like this

because it makes us feel inferior sure

and i actually found about three

different websites

um which actually had advice for

you know again like regular-sized people

uh

not what to do in interaction with

uh oh so so so kind of a a guidebook

or for your normal or regular height

person

yeah of talking to a yeah now

i could only find five points so i don't

know if it's that big of an issue to be

honest

um number one and this was on this was

number one on all three reps on

three websites right don't bend over to

talk to us

oh don't apparently that's in so on

don't bend over to talk to us

so we can hear you just fine we can hear

shaq o'neill we can hear you

don't i think you're all that big guy

just because you're

four foot taller than us that's uh

that's interesting right you know

because

even if i you know i'm six foot tall and

if i was talking to somebody that say

five foot five right i'm gonna not

necessarily bend over but i am

definitely going to look down

right and then if i'm talking to him for

at least an extended period of time

we're going to have to sit down in a

chair so i'm not doing this or i'm

going to find myself just kind of

slightly bending over

so i've not got all that pressure on my

neck yeah you know and

and i think where they're probably

trying to get at here

is the whole bending over to talk to a

child

right you know you try to kind of yeah

you know kind of deal and so they they

don't want to

feel like a child so like i i get that i

totally get that so

rule number one don't bend over when

you're talking to a mitchell right

now number two actually kind of

surprised me because i thought this

would be towards the end of the list but

apparently this is a big thing okay

don't assume

we want to hear your greatest

joke

oh i don't even have a graph

i i don't have a i don't even have a so

at least

great joke i i don't want to jump

too far ahead because i don't know what

the other rules are

but is there a rule against asking them

what the best joke they've ever

heard is

because here here's both of us sitting

here's both of us sitting here right now

neither one of us have a joke

yeah i i i i i've got a lot of jokes i

knew out of everybody

i should have yeah a joke but no

i i don't have any i can't believe i

don't have a minute

i have a joke so uh all right i

i'd like a submission

of a good joke i need to add a

 joke to my arsenal so we can

actually

so we can actually cross that one off as

we are not guilty of

yeah one number two yeah uh number one i

gotta be honest with you

i'm pretty sure i'm guilty of that one

yeah number two i i know i'm clean on

that

so i'm i'm 50 50 right now number three

don't pass on the head oh yes i could

see temptation there's got to be some

temptation

oh yeah that would that would be well

depends on if they're wearing a hat

you know because for some reason i think

like a leprechaun

yeah but i i thought they all wore hats

because

i thought they were just issued to them

or something

so i would never want to you know touch

somebody else's hat

right i could see the women not wearing

hats

but i i so i can honestly tell you i

have not broken that rule

but now that i know it's a rule it's

going to be very hard for me not to

break that

it's actually made it worse isn't it oh

it's made it much worse because

because now if i see one i'm just going

to want to pat it on the head

oh see oh i i don't know if i want to

hear rule four and five because

at least i'm i'm still i'm still

one out of three but man rule number

three

sounds real inviting it's going to be

difficult

oh man that right that's well number

four is actually even worse

it's uh don't take a selfie with us

oh there's no way that's not gonna

happen well first of all

with or without their permission there's

no way that's not gonna happen

yeah that that that is definitely gonna

happen uh

so you uh it hasn't happened yet but i

can guarantee you i'm breaking

number four that's gonna happen oh

absolutely uh

i mean if he even ever have to pretend

to tie up my shoes

and then he'll hold the phone and kind

of you know kind of move it around

so they're in the background i i'm not

no i'm going to figure out a way for

that

to happen no way we're not breaking that

yeah now we're not

sorry that that one's getting broken so

one three and four

we're not compliant with at the moment

uh number five though this one actually

surprised me and this is you know hang

on

before you go to before you go to number

five let's go back to number two with

the whole joke thing because

do you realize when we do get a

joke

we're then gonna say hey i've got this

joke and we're gonna tell it

and then you know we're gonna break that

rule once we actually

once we actually have a joke in

the arsenal of jokes

we're going to break that rule so just

because we haven't broken the rules yet

and now we know what the rules are

and when we run across a we

realize

honestly i'm four out of four that these

rules are getting broken right

and i haven't even heard five yet and

i'm guessing i'm probably going to end

up breaking number five too

but do you think but do you think that

rule is going to be one of the last ones

because you can guarantee we're

we're going to be bending over to talk

to them patting them on the head and

taking a selfie before we start telling

the joke

because i don't think you're going to

break the ice with the joke no i

absolutely get what you're saying there

we're not necessarily doing them

in that order right but we're still

breaking the rules as you have them

listed out on this list

yeah definitely you know one three and

four are gonna happen before two

yeah i mean i i'm picturing myself

as i pat somebody on the head and i'm

taking the picture

bending over talking to him once i hit

click on my

phone to take the picture the very next

words out of my mouth

are whatever this new joke that i

have is

and then asking them if they have a

better one so it might be worth now

actually

arming yourself and actually looking up

a joke on the internet because you don't

have one

i know yeah and that's crazy i i do need

to get a joke i i will get one

but uh so i'm i'm picturing myself

45 seconds to a minute and having a

conversation with the

after you've played well no during this

45 seconds

i've already broken four and four of

these five rules so what is rule number

five

uh don't shout things at us

which i'm assuming um and this was this

was again on like

two of the three lists it's uh when

they're walking down the street

apparently they'll get just random

comments like

 dwarf oh my god they don't like

that apparently

so basically rule number five would be

broken first because i'm going to say

hey then i'm going to run over

there

bend over talk to him take a selfie

intelligence

that would be bright at first yeah so

basically i'm doomed with these

so basically out of these five other

than the fact you don't actually have a

greatest joke

the other four are guaranteed to be

broken

well here's the problem though once we

finish

today's podcast within about

15 minutes i'll have a joke

looked up so

yeah this is uh

this is not looking good for me i mean

it it's really not looking good for me

yeah um well i mean i'm sure

just like uh in the last podcast we've

provided

far more information on the topic than

any

reasonable person needs to know about

something

and of course as you can always rely on

us we have fact

checked everything uh at least

with a halfway decent google search

maybe uh you know that that's the way we

roll

so any final thoughts um

yeah uh i just want to leave you with

this

and this is why it's hard to take this

subject maybe as seriously as we should

take it right that

one of the headlines which came up

twice on

discriminatory issues

was a sue's grocer

sites belittling remarks oh

terrible he he he didn't he had to see

how he was

he didn't even see how he was setting

himself he had to go there

oh you know i want to say

poor little guy but that would make me

sound terrible right

yeah yeah so well thanks everybody for

tuning in to

this episode of the wolf and the

shepherd we hope you enjoyed it and

we look forward to hitting you up with

very interesting intriguing and

informing topics with all of our fact

checking and research behind it

thanks everyone