Oct. 11, 2020

Episode 11 - Another Ducking Podcast

The Wolf AND The Shepherd discuss everyone's favorite waterfowl, the duck. Are ducks inherently evil? Can you trust a duck? If a duck were to start a band, would they be rock and roll?


welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we are going to

talk about ducks

ducking what what

in the duck is this so most people

whenever they

put some kind of text message out and

they try to use a certain

expletive it gets auto-corrected to

duck and a lot of people say well

i'm not trying to talk about the animal

why does why does this obviously

autocorrect to this animal and honestly


actually more the verb of

ducking something but based off the fact


we've had these text messages back and

forth we decided

it's time to talk about ducks

yeah um i came up with the title today

literally based upon it's ducking hot


it is ducking hot today well it wasn't

actually that dark and hot today it was

only about 82 85 i think here

well it honestly depends on where you


some people could say that was still

ducking hot for a day in october

but uh not too ducking hot if you

live say up in the upper part of the

united states right well i'm i'm

ducking ready for the temperatures to

drop if i'm honest oh

absolutely i mean i i've been ducking


to just kind of cool off and not have to

worry about sweating so much and say man

it is

ducking hot outside yeah yeah so

i thought you know based upon that

siri autocorrect which still hasn't


i think i've owned iphones now for six

or seven years

it still hasn't learned what i really

mean when i say

duck i really mean muck um

or truck or truck yeah yeah yeah

or bach buck or suck or luck

yeah yeah i don't mean dark though i

never mean dark

yeah i don't think there's ever been a

time i've ever met done the crazy thing


maybe i mean duck right well this is the


and then obviously when i got annoyed

with the autocorrect i thought

ducks who knows ducks better than the


i do know ducks i do know a little bit

about ducks that is true

yeah and you know i mean ducks

are very funny comical creatures i mean

i don't think they ever

have had a bad rep in cartoons or

stuff that is good natured type animals

um but funnily enough i mean i think the

way they're represented in the most

popular cartoons we can think of whether

we think about

daffy duck donald duck they're very


they're narcissistic you know they have

a very quick temper to them

and that's not really the nature of

ducks at all not the ducks are pretty

placid when it comes to dealing with

kind of humans and situations they just

want to sit around

swimming a little bit maybe sit in the

shade and i don't understand

how they you know the cartoons got to

that point where they represented like

daffy duck and donald duck as basically

a-holes which they were well that

they were in the cartoons but like you

say they

they were never they should have

never been presented that way uh

the reason the reason we're talking

about ducks is

uh i i do have a kind of a knowledge of

ducks that

most people don't necessarily have but


before we get into that let's talk about

that that cartoon

aspect of the duck or even in

pop culture of how people look at ducks

so you got daffy duck right yeah and so

you have

this uh black feathered

duck now he was naked right yeah

he he was naked then you have donald


who's got kind of the the clothes up top

but yeah nothing below the quote-unquote

waist even though it doesn't

really have a waist right and and you

could actually get into like

ducktales and hugh doing louie and all

this and

in kind of the same thing uh so yeah

you've got that mess out there but for

some reason there was this connotation

applied to ducks that there was


a little bit evil a little bit

off kelter a little bit outside the norm

about ducks when if you took

your kid to a pond and you see the ducks

out there

those same ducks that in the cartoons

had this kind of negative connotation

you're sitting there and trying to feed

the ducks and you

want to get near the ducks you want to

pet a duck you

you want to be around the ducks so

it's kind of ironic what we've done

with ducks yeah in society today

now now have you noticed other than uh

howard the duck

the daffy duck donald duck daisy duck

it's all dd and i kind of wondered

why why did they do the names like that

now um

well you could say you know mickey mouse

yeah kind of minnie mouse yeah on the

disney side

that's a rabbit hole we could probably

go down and try and figure out

is that trying to be kind of simplistic


but uh daffy duck of course being in

looney tunes and not part of disney

but kind of the same thing but you also


bugs bunny right so yeah so

you're having that what is it

alliteration that you just

keep that same first consonant

in the name but then i wanted like you

know my son was very into mickey mouse

when he was like two or three

and so i had to watch a lot of the


repeatedly i mean i think i've seen

you know every season every episode or

at least had to hear it

so many times but i wondered why with


say goofy and pluto it wasn't pluto the


or well nobody knows who goofy is i

think it was in that stand by me

movie where they're like oh yeah who the

heck is goofy what the heck is goofy you


not to get too off topic but one of the

problems that i've always had with

goofy was goofy was a dog

yeah and then goofy had a son i don't

remember what his son's name really he

had a son

yeah he did and then he had pluto

which was a dog also but goofy

was kind of a humanistic

dog he could talk he could do all this

pluto couldn't

right and then there there are certain

cartoons where

goofy is sitting there treating pluto as

a dog

it's like yeah wait a second goofy

you're you're a dog too wait

what's going on with you yeah that's

fine yeah that's why i think there was a

little bit of uh

unsuredness about goofy because well we

obviously knew pluto was a dog and acted

like a dog

right but then you've got goofy who

walks up right and wears clothes because

pluto was naked as the dog is

right and then you've got goofy there's

big idiots well of course

like you say pluto was

naked as dogs are supposed to be right

but then you've got

all kinds of people that want to put

clothes on dogs now

yeah yeah now now with donald duck i

mean i

i think one of the observations the

repeated observations about donald duck

is oh he doesn't wear pants he's got

clothes up top but

if you look at the size of his ass i

mean what pants are going to fit

yeah that's true yeah i mean it's not

going to fit he he would have to have

specially tailored

yeah they would be able to fit yeah now

there was a

i was looking on wikipedia actually and

there was this theory

that donald duck was very jealous of

mickey mouse's success

and actually wanted to be you know the

most important person in that right so

so can you imagine going to like

disneyland disney world or whatever and

rather than having your mickey mouse


now you're wearing a duct tape

or in front of you and maybe

in today's covid it might actually make

sense right

you know rather than having a mask you

have a a duck bill

yeah right yeah and i think the thing

with the person

by the way disney uh uh free eight

dollars i think is what we're on right

now so eight dollars you

charge us or we charge you for the uh

the duck bill mask yeah that that's all


well that's the thing i think you know

mickey mouse was

always so happy-go-lucky just very


you think about his character the at

disney world when he welcomes you it's

like hi

welcome to disneyland or welcome to

disney world donald duck is just black

piss off yeah no that's true yeah that's


and that's kind of what you're annoying

me by literally being here

yeah and and i think uh where we're kind

of going with this

is my experience with

an actual live duck so right

years ago for some bizarre

reason i decided to

buy a duck and so in

the town that i live in there was a feed

store and they had ducklings

and we went and bought a duckling that


four or five days old took it home

sat there every night held that duck

pet that duck it took really good care

of that duck

until it was old enough to live in the


then we put it in our backyard bought it

a kiddie pool

and then it walked around the backyard

jumped in the kiddie pool and swam

around a little bit

but was such a great pet

and and most people just think about


as going to like a local pond and seeing

probably mostly wild ducks coming into

the pond swarming around because they


they're safe you know nothing's gonna

happen to them

but when you actually get to

having a duck that kind of

attaches to you you realize what a great

animal they could be yeah and uh one of

my favorite quotes

and i heard this over 20 years ago about


and i don't i couldn't actually find the

origin of

who actually said it was i find that a

duck's opinion of me is

largely influenced by whether i am

visibly carrying bread

and ducks you know for being a wild

animal on the most part i mean they're


you know they do actually attach to

humans you know

very well like if you nurture them like

you know you nurtured your duck

but you know despite being a little bit


of humans if humans are carrying food

they kind of bypass that barrier real

quick oh sure

and i i know there's several movies that

are out there

where you know you've got a guard dog


and yeah so in the movie there's a guard

dog and

all of a sudden they throw it a stake or

whatever to

distract them and ducks are kind of


but even when i had my pet duck and

she was great by the way her her name

was ruby

rest in peace you know she was a great


but she was so nice to

everyone because of the way we nurtured

that duck yeah she knew

that there was going to be food for her

there was going to be fresh water for


uh we even had a dog at the time the dog

got along with the duck

ruby would lay eggs all the time and

she would come in the house and we would

hold her and we would pet her

she would come around and and my friends

would show up to the house

and she would get up right next to my

friends and

most people don't get to interact

with an animal like a duck

like you would a cat or a dog or even a

bird or something like that

it obviously a duck is a bird but uh

an animal like that nobody has a

duck right right yeah but i love the

fact that

in of course one of our podcasts before

we talked about hoas and the rules

but one of the rules in texas

is that an hoa cannot usurp

the laws of the state of texas and

a law in the state of texas said you can

own waterfowl right and that's where i

got around that so

i lived in an hoa and i had a duck

yeah because i looked that up and i said

this is one of the reasons why i

hate my hoa and i'm gonna actually go

get a

duck yeah just to

do something against the hoa and then at


end of this i realized i love this

animal i mean

they're they're great animals they eat


they're clean uh they can't control

their bowel movements

did you ever have a diaper dog no i


and unfortunately we found out later on

that you could actually

get those and on amazon you can actually

buy them specifically for ducks

and and we wish we would have done that

just like you can actually buy

harnesses now just like you have uh you


leashes for dogs and of course you know

you have a dog or you have a cat and

they always

you know you can put a collar on them

that's simple right

and and so we always tried to get some

kind of a way that we could put a leash

on the duck and walk it around but we

never could figure that out

now those exist so so we're moving


you know beyond cats and dogs yeah as

pets and i think um it it always used to

confuse me about the term

bird brain because it was a very kind of

uh i guess an

insult oh you got a bird brain but birds

you know very intelligent you look at


who can you know learn language and you

know learn

hundreds of words and actually can use

them appropriately

um i i never thought growing up in

england of

you know i wasn't really that fond of

birds in terms of ever thinking of

having one as a pet

but ducks it was just an animal i never

thought of having it as a pet now

in england in terms of waterfowl

swans i guess were the most common

one or the ones you'd pay most attention

to and swans compared to ducks

swans are absolute wankers well i mean

swans are so much bigger

yeah they're aggressive right um and

actually when i was in college in

england we had a park

maybe about quarter of a mile from where

uh the house i lived in my second year


and there was a swan it was a complete

[ __ ] right

i mean it would literally chase people


and i actually befriended it by feeding

it milky way

and so the candy bar yeah i would sit on

the bench

and it would come no joke sit on the

bench next to me and i'll break off

pieces of milky way which you know um

i hope none of the animal activists out

there are telling me it's a bad thing

and it could have killed it i didn't

know at the time

um but yeah i fed it milky way and it

would sit next to me and it would

lie literally it would lay its neck and

its head across my lap

but if i was walking with a friend it


try and run off but to me i mean it

would come up and

every time like it would see me

walking uh down the path and it would

swim across

the pond and it would come up i'd go sit

on that bench and it would come and hop

on that bench with me

oh it's amazing it in it's kind of funny

you talk about the

the bird brain part right yeah so ruby

the duck she was so sweet to everybody

you would come over and she would always

want to come up to you

and want you to pick her up and pet her

and everything

it was great but i do remember when one

of my kids

we were gonna have a birthday party for

them and

so the wife decided that we were gonna

get one of those

inflatable slides right you know that

you plug in

and they're the big inflatable slides

you hook a water hose up to it all that

good stuff

so these two what i call kids came over

to install this slide in the backyard so

they're probably

i don't know 18 19 years old

and they come into the backyard

and they um they start unrolling this


and one of the kids looks at the other

kid over at ruby who's swimming around

in the little kiddie pool yeah and they


look there's a duck that just landed in

that pool

of course i'm standing out there i don't

say anything i'm like

you know they don't know that i've got a

duck walking around in my backyard that

you know that's my pet yeah and so

the other guy says oh that's kind of

cool and he starts walking towards the


next thing you know ruby

rares her wings up and starts

chasing this kid and this 19 year old

male man takes off

running screaming afraid of the duck

and i'm saying ruby what are you doing

and i'm running after ruby and ruby is


quacking and just upset at the fact of

this kid

out there and i grab a hold of her and i

pick her up i'm like ruby it's okay

you know i'm petting her and everything

other kid

ruby's totally fine but she identified

that one kid right some kind of a threat

right and i don't know what was worse

the fact that my

duck did that or

this one kid was that afraid

of a duck right in somebody's backyard

now do you think

especially with you know dogs you know

there are people who say they're dog

people cat people

the humans give off certain pheromones

obviously for various reasons

sure and you know it's a whole mix of

different chemicals

and i think animals

pick up and read those different

elements and those chemicals

very well i mean i don't i don't know if

you remember um

back in the days before the internet

you'd get these advertisements

in the local newspaper of them you know

aimed at guys it's like spray these

pheromones on yourself

drive the women crazy and all this stuff

yeah because there's some subconscious

level of

well yeah and of course there were there

were a lot of men out there that were

trying to meet women and they would say

okay well let me buy this special column

and it was

it was probably squirrel piss i mean you

know or

it's kind of like uh i think it was

ocean's 13 the movie where they talk

about the gilroy

and they put it on uh the matt damon

character and and the woman is just

extremely attractive right

yeah i know there's a lot of men that

saw that and like where can i get

yeah yeah i want that right now i would


a lot of money just to be able to have

right but i'm sure animals like i said

they can pick up on the pheromones and

actually decipher the

different chemicals in there and decide

who they like and who they don't like

um i mean for me personally it's very

rare i can go to somebody's house with a

dog where the dog doesn't want to leave

with me

you know it's always been that way the

same way with cats as well i mean pets

have an unnatural fascination with me

where you know they prefer me to their

owners within like about

30 minutes but there are also those

people who like you said

you know with ruby who you know

dogs don't like them cats don't like

them and i wonder what it is

they actually give off that you know


animals just i mean is it just too much

i don't know secretions from the adrenal


is it too much testosterone where it

becomes a threat i mean i wonder what it

is what makes

you know a dark decide whether it likes

you or not

if it's got a choice for two people okay

i like that person

i don't like that person yeah i

i would have to say it it's kind of that


part of nature it's instinct yeah that

they know

who's inherently good and who's

inherently bad right

and something that we as humans

haven't for the most part been able to

pick up on

right so we we have an ability as humans


deceive yeah where animals

don't really deceive yeah as much

they don't put on shows

you take a dog you take a cat you take a


you you take whatever they

present who they are yeah and they don't


some kind of deception forward as far as

i'm gonna try to fool you into believing


this fact about me

which may or may not be true and then

you got to figure it out

yeah i mean it obviously you know you

have camouflage

in animals you you have like the


that can change its color whatever i'm

not talking about that

i'm talking about the attitude behind

animals they

they don't exhibit a certain kind of

attitude to try to fool you with

some kind of psychological foolery

yeah that humans constantly do

especially men when they're trying to


women you know that they'll try to

present some kind of version of

themselves that

doesn't really exist now did it surprise


owning ruby that she was so affectionate

because you know i mean obviously ducks

aren't pack

animals right they don't hang around

like you know with birds hanging around

in flocks ducks

are not necessarily known you know for

hanging around in groups and stuff and


for her to kind of form that you know

personal affection with you

was that kind of surprising initially it

absolutely was

when when we got her my

intention behind that was you know i've

i've never owned a duck uh so we're

gonna go ahead and buy this duck and

then we

obviously were fascinated by the fact

that here's this little duckling and


holding it and we're feeding it we're

doing all this stuff

and until she got a little bit

older we didn't realize how much they

actually they being ducks actually

kind of attached themselves

to their caretakers yeah

and so my wife and i when we had ruby

we we took really good care of her we

made sure

even though we had kids at the time the

kids would go to bed

we would go in we'd get ruby out and we

would hold her and we'd pet her and

and do all that stuff and it

turned into such a great pet

because of what we did with that

attention that we paid to her yeah now


i think most people have seen that

imprint in

whereby you know if you take ducks when

they're like you know a few days old

or a few weeks old that they will

actually even follow a dog or a cat or a

puppy you know they will attach

themselves and they always

have this maternal um following

type thing but male ducks are pretty

much the definition of deadbeat dads

you know if um there was a prison for


probably 80 percent of male ducks would

be in prison

um because they are they are notorious

rapists and this is one of the things

you know i was looking up and like

reading all these cute duck stories and

obviously i've heard

you know many times you telling me about

owning ruby and how sweet she was and

everything but

you know male ducks are

you know they're one of the three

percent of actual birds

who have a penis for one wow which okay

one actually this is a funny story one

of the other birds which has a penis is

the robin red breast

you know which is popular on christmas

cards or at least it wasn't

right sure and um you know the penis on


for the birds that have it it keeps


but then when it comes out it actually

comes to normally a length

of longer than the actual animal so for

instance we're like a duck

uh the penises are kind of corkscrew

shaped okay

and it can actually extend to about 15

or 16 inches

wow which you know it's like twice the

length of the duster

there's a lot of people listening to

this right now that is very

jealous yeah yeah but um actually how it

worked out

in terms of evolution female ducks

developed in their apparatus

down there a anti

um a defender i recognize direction to

the corkscrew

thing so when they tried to put in you

know when the duck tried to

you know rape the duck sorry the female

duck um

it wouldn't actually go in because as it

tried to go in

the evolution of the female duck it

would actually stop it

and there is a chemical they give off

where they can actually

choose regardless whether it's

consensual or non-consensual

that they can choose whether to accept

that sperm or not so they can actually


and as so they get raped they can

actually that their body gives off

these chemicals and it will actually it

won't you know

that's amazing yeah and um


there was a study in 2012 at the

university of massachusetts they

probably gave them too much money i mean

i don't know who does a study on this

type of thing

uh 40 yeah well uh honestly i would like

to be

a uh you know party of that kind of


give me a lot of money to study dutch

well i mean i wonder what would be nice

well i mean i wonder what

kind of prep they give you to go out and

do that study is just like here's a

notebook go out and study some ducks

especially if you're you're at mit yeah

like okay well you can do

ai you can do all this okay so you're at

the bottom of the class

you have to study you've got a notepad

and a camera phone i mean that this is

what you can do go and study duck seven

sex but they said that

forty percent of sex between ducks is


wow right and it involves 40 40 40


yeah and it involves aerial pursuit

over miles um multiple rapists so this


it's like gang rape basically wow and uh

apparently there's a lot of male ducks

who like to just spectate and not take

part in the rape so so

are there gangs of ducks yeah just


do they does some kind of male duck sit

there and say i'm going to create a gang

and then we're going to go out there and

we're going to right we're going to fly

chase them down rape them some of you

can just stand there and watch yeah

and in the whole time we're we're

thinking about daffy duck and we're

talking about donald duck but in reality

maybe ducks that that we sit there

as you know humans walking around and


hey let's go see the cute little ducks

at the park yeah

they're evil animals maybe i'm i mean

are they

are they the actual

version of the evil animal

i i remember in in going on those i've

actually got two points i'm gonna make

one i'm gonna make it real short so

because i had a duck if anybody's

listening to this

you shouldn't give ducks bread actually

you shouldn't do it

so just don't feed them bread but it

the second point which is a little more

complicated beef jerking

i i remember uh eddie izzard

right the stand-up comedian that was

talking about

uh noah's ark and

you know noah is putting all the animals

in the

ark right and he's like okay you know we

got the giraffes and we got the lions we

got the tigers and we got the elephants

and we got

all this and then noah says okay come on


and the ducks are saying well wait

so it's just going to be water i mean

we can swim on the water right so why do

we need to get in the ark yeah

so it could it be that this goes back to

biblical times that the ducks are like

hey you can flood the earth that's fine

we swim on top of the water we're

we're going to be good yeah and maybe

this is a holdover

from the the flood that ducks

inherently might be kind of evil unless


actually kind of take like ruby yeah

and train them a certain way well that's

the same thing i mean people always have

this very

romantic idea about dolphins i mean


are the [ __ ] of the marine world i

mean they

again they they rape they actually

are known to torture other marine

animals for fun

and you know so flipper is out there

torturing animals yeah and and ruby

torturing animals they will go out and

deliberately like

something like a porpoise they will hit

it at maximum force to break its back

for no other reason than

hey you know and but you know with ducks

and i think when we started when we were

talking about

you know the cartoon representation of


we were saying you know why are they

showing you know donald duck daffy duck

short tempered you know a little bit


you know actually when it comes to male

ducks i mean they are pretty much

not not of good character now the female


completely different matter and this is

probably why ruby was such a good pet

but i wonder if you've had

by the way it would have been very

different right and by the way ruby was

obviously a female duck she laid eggs

all the time now did you eat the eggs no

i never did and i regret that uh

but she did lay eggs all the time but

that's an excellent point

yeah because maybe if we would had a

male duck

yeah it would have been different right

well no eggs first on

well yeah for a start

but then you almost wonder

could it be that

you look at the back of the

daffy duck the donald duck whatever

and their scrooge mcduck right yeah and

scrooge mcduck had all this that the

mail ducks

were the ones that were in so much


but the female ducks were actually

the example of what we should be

we look at um daisy duck right she's a

very kind of airheaded type

you know along with minnie mouse i mean

but before we get into daisy duck

if if i remember correctly

daisy duck was not actually donald


first uh girlfriend

no what else it was donna duck donald

yeah donna duck again another dd um i

don't know quite what happened with the

relationship but i was looking up and

the cartoons it shifted

very very quickly because donald duck

appeared in a

cartoon and it wasn't with mickey mouse

i can't remember the original cartoon he

appeared in

um but you know when he appeared in more

cartoons he had this girlfriend called

donna duck

and then something happened across one

or two episodes

i don't know if she cheated or what

happened um

and then all of a sudden you know daisy

came along and she's

again like airhead is probably a

generous description of

how she acts i mean she's like the paris

hilton of you know

animals but so is minnie mouse um you

know and the two of them you know minnie


and uh you know daisy you know they have


minnie's boutique and all this where

they have a whole range of like

six hair bows or something um

but i think they're just really living

off mickey's money if we're honest

oh well yeah nothing wrong with that


and and totally get that so

uh well based off this uh

we appreciate you joining us for

this history yeah joining us for

this episode of the wolf and the

shepherd and uh

honestly in all the jess that we've

talked about

i did have a pet duck named ruby

and my kids loved that duck

and i remember getting that duck and

raising that duck and that duck was

such a great pet ate lots of bugs in the


always was nice to everybody except for

that one kid

like we talked about earlier but uh

seriously a great animal

great pet so next time

you are texting somebody

and you're using an expletive and then

it gets corrected to

ducking or duck or whatever

yeah you could think about the fact that

it could be the

verb for ducking under something

or it could be the noun of the animal

so hopefully we can

we can look at the fact that yeah there


good ducks out there and there's bad

ducks out there

but sometimes you just don't give a duck

i'm ducking down with this