March 31, 2021

Ask Us Anything Again

The Wolf And The Shepherd catch up on yet more listener submitted questions, asking about French Canadian midgets, shuffling though various marriage proposals, some Xbox live interactions, and dealing with hate against gingers yet again. 


welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we're going to go

through some more questions we

kind of got bombarded after that first

ask us

anything session and then all of a

sudden when people realize we were

actually paying attention to all of


then we got bombarded with some more

additional questions

so we're gonna go ahead and go through

all of those additional questions

now well since part one of ask us


everything or anything what did we even

call it was it everything or anything

anything i'm pretty sure what's the

difference between anything and


i think there's a song about that

anything and everything


doubtful so anyway people have decided

to take advantage of our good nature

and they've emailed us more questions


to be honest with you i think some of

them are taking the piss

that don't seem to be serious and some

of them are very personal but

given we're mostly shameful it's not a

problem so i've put all of them down

all the all the emails we got i've


given you and given me and we're gonna

answer these questions

as raw as they were contained in the


yeah and i just realized my papers are

backwards here because you've got

my questions that are supposed to be

asked to you

and then your questions supposed to be

asked to me right yeah

okay well it doesn't matter actually

because we've actually had a collection

of marriage proposals

mainly for you because but you stole


no well they said i he's a high earner

and the wharf is probably out of my

league so that's why i don't call the

marriage company and that makes sense


and um outside of our wonderful indian

contributors most of these questions

sound like they come from people who buy


mystery boxes for 50 000 satoshi on the

dark web

but you know we're not one to judge no

anymore in a storm as they say

absolutely we're not going to judge

anybody so uh so now

on this uh who goes first who went first

last time do you remember

let's throw our uh really nerdy

dungeons and dragons 12-sided dice

what does 11 mean is that you or is that

me i think that's you

is it i think because you're odd and i'm


all right okay here we go then so this

is actually a genuine question

11 is an odd number right yeah okay okay

so this is a real question okay okay

shepard i like the way she started off

straight away

addressing you and not even bothering to

get my opinion on it so am i still edict

cause i'm a little bit offended i'll be

honest with you

so she goes shepard in 1997

shania twain released the song man i

feel like a woman

how would your wife react if you

inverted this statement

and declared woman i feel like a man

well if i was gonna say that to her

saying woman

i feel like a man she'd probably look at

me and say

well i hope so i hope you don't feel

like a woman i mean

woman i feel like a woman she'd probably


what's going on in my mind well i think

there's a little bit of uh

double standards going on here because i

don't think anybody

cared what schneider twain meant when

she said man i feel like a woman but

no i don't think anybody really your

wife's gonna care about if you say

woman i feel like a man well i don't

think she would

care i think she would assume that yeah


feel like a man why why would she be

so confused well because that's the way

you normally address your wife

woman make me toast woman where's the


so when you say woman i feel like a man

it's just like woman

you can get rid of and so you're

literally just saying

i feel like a man but maybe you're on to

something because you're right

i do say that all the time i say yeah

woman do this

woman do that but she never listens to


so could that be the problem then that i


that maybe i should stop addressing her

that way

no i think that's okay maybe maybe some

of those

gender neutral pronouns like they

hey they will you make me some toast i

just think it's a rough

conversational starter when you say i

feel like a man

once you've got somebody's attention

because if woman is the attention

grabber like flicking your fingers

snapping whatever right and you say i

feel like a man

so would it look like you're coming out

the closet so would it be bad

if i got down on my knees and kind of

ran across my knees on the carpet and

said woman i feel like a [ __ ]

well no it's not footloose no that

happened in footloose well not the

[ __ ] pit are you sure

i never saw that movie no but i thought

kevin was kevin bacon i thought he slid

on his knees in that movie

no i think that was dirty dancing and

i'm sad

i'm actually kind of embarrassed that i

know that michael

dot m like anybody is going to have mm

as initials yeah well that was this

question so

oh well all right so uh first one

up for you and of course you just pushed

these in front of me

so hang on let me read through this okay


samir in pakistan

wants to know why you get emotional

on the podcast about music and

quote sound like a little girl

well there's two answers that samir if

you're listening

one i doubt you're gonna get it until

about three months from now

but yeah i normally choose the songs

which make me emotional

so yeah i do sound a little bit like a

little girl whatever that means yeah i

do get emotional about the songs because

they mean something to me

so you know they get me in the heart the

lyrics kind of

touch my inner child not inappropriately

like we've talked about before

but yeah now i just choose songs which i


means something to me so i know that was

kind of a bit of a dig at me

but no i do actually choose songs

because they mean something to me


so just so we're clear you don't think

samir was

making fun of your goofy british accent

do you

i think he's making fun of a lot of

things that included

ah so there you go so i've got one from


and like you know that from me or for me

for you okay i think you said from

you i don't know but i've got funny

accents so nobody can guarantee it

but you remember that time you said your

mum doesn't know how to send text


yep well once again you're wrong because

this is the second one she sent

she said can you drop by cbs on the way


definitely not walgreens because they

suck and buy some easter candy for your


see i don't believe you because they

wouldn't want those big long receipts

from cvs

of course they would why oh do you not


what it was like in snowmageddon when

like i had to bring you all that

water for them well yeah do you not

think they want like now to build up

like receipts to build a fire

well that's a good point i mean they

could use all those receipts for a fire

plus now outside of you i'm your mum's

favorite person

even outside of your brother actually so

well that's probably true but

i wonder do they use different paper in


in colorado and they actually lost

a lot of business on like zigzag papers


then the people in colorado can just use

the excess

part of the cvs receipts to roll joints

okay amateur question

what is zigzag papers cigarette rolling


you never heard of zigzags no yeah

zigzag is a brand of

cigarette rolling papers that a lot of

people use to roll

joints to smoke marijuana too

in fact my son i took him to a skate


this was about a year ago and he picks

up a pack of zigzags off the ground

and he shows them to me he says dad what

are these little pieces of paper

and i said well son those are used for

rolling cigarettes

and he looked at me and he said well why

would anybody want to use this to roll

cigarettes when you can just

buy cigarettes at the store and i said

well some people like to

roll their own cigarettes you put

tobacco in here and you roll it up

he said oh it must be like the kids over

there in the corner smoking that funny

smelling stuff

so even though i was trying to hide the

fact that it's

mainly used for marijuana yeah there are

people that

legitimately use it for tobacco but your

mom sent this

through 20 minutes ago can you stop by

cbs or not

oh this is 20 minutes ago yeah all right

well once we're done recording this i'll

give her a call but not walk range

not remember not walgreens she doesn't

work well wait a second why can't you

stop by cbs then for her

why is she texting you to tell me this

oh hang on

oh my phone battery's dead okay that's


all right well you can text her back and

say you'll stop by cbs then i'm gonna

send a picture of myself as well

because she loves me well the good news

is i don't think she can get picture


so the next question is from denise

denise from new jersey she wants to know

if you will sing happy birthday

in a sound file and email it back

because her grandmother is about to turn


in may well you know happy birthday to

grandma i mean 86 that's a

big age i guess my biggest question

before you even

answer that question is new jersey so

there's got to be an old jersey is old

jersey from

england i've got a lot of old jerseys

well yeah

but in soccer they're still called

jerseys well no i gave them to the

women's shelter down in fort worth

because they were oversized

yeah because like in hockey they're

called sweaters right

so but anyway so denise from new jersey

i have been keeping the track on you

this is not the first email you sent us

oh okay and so i actually came up with

this thing i was gonna like you know

that blondie song

back in like i think it was the 80s

where tinnies

no no that is a song i promise you i

didn't dream it

okay this was the woman who actually


via email when we had that um interview

with jay davis

and we had it on zoom call and

mistakenly use the video

she said you had a head of the toadstool

head of a toadstool no

listen to that motorcycle go by so

i told you we should have spent more

money and got away from a major

thoroughfare road we could have spent

literally forty dollars more a month

than actually moved back

50 yards and not had this kind of sound

but you know what we missed the

helicopters overhead

we can't miss the trucks going past well

don't forget

we're right next to a hospital and care


lands there all the time yeah and we

film it a lot of the time

just in the hope like one of them falls

to the ground and crashes and we can get

the first thing on the uh

youtube stuff and maybe go viral yeah

because we haven't went viral yeah yeah

emma broke a leg in 19 places

should have gone on a simple care flight

but the helicopter went

into flames i don't know yeah that's uh

that would be sad

that would be sad well we could go viral

through it i'm not saying we're

desperate for martin but we could have

gone viral

through it all right well uh denise look

you just need to let it go did i even

answer a question what was the question

um something about singing happy

birthday oh yeah no i can do that mate

yeah yeah don't do that tonight actually

but you know what

we can actually do this now legally

because the copyright

is now expired on happy birthday


for years you couldn't use that in a

movie on a tv

show or whatever because of that

copyright thing now that's expired and

you can

actually sing happy birthday without

having to pay

the two people that wrote the song so we

can we can do this and we don't have to

worry about paying for it i was going to

get siri to sing it

well that might be a copyright problem

well not really

yeah but the woman that sits there and

answers all these questions

is going to want some money text to


siri happy birthday

to you period come on

happy birthday to you come on

happy birthday dear basic [ __ ] denise's

mother or grandmother because you didn't

type in the correct words happy birthday

to you

you've gotta admit that's gonna have to

fill a relative with joy

well sure and and happy birthday to

denise's grandmother i don't know

at this point you're the one that has

the problem she didn't say i look like a


no she told you you look like a

toadstool no

i thought she told you well i don't

matter at this point is that she's

offended one of us

right but we've already lost track of it


yep supposed to make it careful because


about to say that little cubanon saying

about the

where we one go all we go on facebook

and post stuff

yeah that one yep anyway yeah

next question oh hold up do you know do

not invade the studio

no well because we don't own it well

yeah but i don't think we have to worry

about that

moving on from the last one from your

mum she has replied

and i'm gonna have to apparently pick it

up so

an email from mumbai in india so is that


man's name or a woman's name well it

sounds like a man's name

but apparently it's a place oh um

that's the name of the town it's a city

or something

okay do they live in grass huts or

bamboo huts in

mumbai well not hard on this can also be

somebody's name so this is confusing

maybe we should have actually

figured that out before we started oh no

it's what put in the subject oh

okay so he listens to the mail order

brides episode

he has four daughters and

you can marry any of them how old are


doesn't say that he's got some pretty

old looking cows

the cows are not the daughters though

right no but they look really skinny and

stuff so

i'm assuming they're old some i want he

sent a picture of himself and he

literally looks like he's about 58 so

the best you're gonna get out of this

it's like they're going to be

like i don't know 36 67 whatever

okay so so let's say over the hill yeah

38 36 34 32

let's go with those ages for a man of

your prestige

these girls are over the hill yes

so um he said you can marry any of them

are you willing to get divorced and he

put like two question marks there

and marry one is done two question marks

or maybe two of them and then he's put

four question marks

let's go ahead and just assume for a

minute right that i do decide to

divorce my wife who i have four kids

with and

marry somebody that i've never met from


is that not her problem after you get

divorced well

yeah but that child support things gonna

catch up with me

and i mean when i have to pay her 6.75

cents a month that's just gonna suck but

if i were to marry two of them i'm in

the wrong state because we're sitting

here in the great state of texas and i'm

pretty sure i'd have to go to utah for


and utah is a little bit chilly for me

so i'm gonna have to decline on the


marriage part so the one then i'm

probably going to err on the side of the

younger one

but that's based off 32 and that's only

a little less than

10 years younger than me look can

do me a favor and just say i appreciate


offer but if she's not cheerleading in

college then

no yeah yeah although i am looking for a


that can mow my grass well maybe that's

how you get the other one in

oh okay marry one get there right

so um what is confusing about this right

i thought you would send

like a social media link but he sent a

photo of himself

and none of his wife or daughters so

maybe his wife passed away

and he's got to get rid of the daughters

because he's trying to take care of all

that and that's just way too much

i just don't know but if i was trying to

sell something which he clearly is i

wouldn't send a picture of myself but

that's it says i'm gonna say you've got

like two marriage proposals

and no time at all the life of the

shepherd i guess yeah

but going back to a question for you

this doesn't even start like a question

but i'm i'm going to read it verbatim


i am thermo monkey 23.

screw that guy oh so you know who this

guy is

okay well now let let me go ahead and

read this

i am thermo monkey 23 on xbox

i murdered you on modern warfare on

march 3rd many times you haven't

answered any of my comments about your

mother i threw at you during the game

why did you refuse my invite

private match well one my mother's been

dead for longer than he's probably been


and two he didn't really murder me he

killed me

two times more than i killed him and

they were both

by proximity mine so yeah he can stick


don't even no don't even reply to that


at all yeah no i won't don't worry about


no i i got that covered so no worries


so i've got possibly no hang on i'm

making a note here don't reply to him

okay yeah and i'm going to make a

separate note over here

don't accept xbox friend request from

him i'm going to marry his sister as

well whether he has one or not

well maybe we could put him in touch

with the guy from mumbai

no i don't want to do me all right fair


because remember the overflow from the

guy in mumbai

comes to me i got you right yeah okay

fair enough

sorry so this one which i didn't

i actually deleted it and then got it

out of the trash can

because i knew how mad you would be on

this first line

he says i'm french canadian oh

i don't know are you really going to

read me

something from a canadian yeah

so he says i'm french canadian and own a


who i have named pierre which is a

traditional french

name so he's really gone for both of it

he's from canada

he lives in canada owns the cat and he's

called it pierre which is a french name

so it's a french canadian name he's got

a cat

i don't know why you do these things to

me at this point if you said

my family have leprosy please donate to

my gofundme

i would order a drone strike on his

house sure

that's how sympathetic i would be with

but he said uh

we're basically the beast from the book

of revelation stew

because he's listened to some of the

other podcasts he said that being said

my wife and i are hoping to visit the

province of rhode island which

not really an achievement is that in

june would you consider looking after


which is the cat the cat french canadian


pierre which is hold up here we're down


it's born in july 2020

so he's basically nine months old okay


i'm gonna have to politely decline

to watching another cat because the last

time i had to watch a cat

was actually not that long ago and my

wife has a cat

my son had a cat then we brought a third

cat into the house for a week

the second cat got sick had to put it

down at the bet

that sucked then gave the third cat back

to the people we were watching the cat


now at least we're down to one cat i

don't need another cat coming in the


the only good cat you've ever had is the

one i lent you oh

yeah rest in peace konami yeah that was

a good cat

yeah she was a good girl so that's it so

that's a no

that's a hard note all right that's a

hard no okay that's good because we do

actually need to reply

because that's dated march 2nd so that's

been a while we should have replied to

that one earlier there

all right yeah no all right so

do you want to say no piss off your

french canadian or do you just want

i just don't know can you politely

can you just do no but capitalize both

the n

and the o and throw some exclamation


yeah exclamation marks as many as you

can fit oh i can fit a lot

a lot of time oh all right

that'll work no no no no

poor pierre but no no here's one for you

how often do you activate your third

eye that's bizarre well

you know i like spicy food so i normally

you know kind of open my third eye

like in the morning not long after i've

got up mid afternoon

and then later on at night so this is a


to you going to the bathroom oh no sorry

unless it's meaning that chakra stuff

sorry no

often do i open my third eye is this

from the shaman guy

no oh this is from jennifer oh

from best buy ah no i open my third eye

regularly with use of many crystals

which i have collected and keep in my

bed which i sleep with every night

and you know i kind of like getting all


normal kind of thing

for a while i open my third eye and then

dream my dreams so yeah every night


why she attached that coupon for best


i know she works yeah but it's she's

actually saying oh

no a first and last name from best buddy

yeah why did she attach that coupon

no it's from her best buy email account

so i think it just came through

what is she why is she worried about my

third eye i don't know

that's a bit of an awkward introduction

i know you thought you were kind of done

with the marriage proposals but we've

got a lady actually from

germany who's contacted you or looking

to get in contact with you

from dortmund in germany i have a pretty

good soccer team

amanda okay good german name amanda from


she's curious to know how fast she can

marry you which normally would worry me

but this is the dress to use i don't

really care because she likes to cook

sausage but that was actually that uh

entire email was originally in german

and so i used google translate

she wants to know how fast she can marry

you because she likes to cook sausage

you don't speak german though right well

no i was going to respond

the shepherd doesn't really have any

sausage to speak of see

your time yeah but um no she said how

fast can she marry you because she likes

to cook

sausage you know i'm kind of flattered

by all of the

marriage proposal stuff

yeah what was the other one the oh yeah

the the dude from mumbai

who's hasn't sent any photos of his

daughters you can marry

some of them and this one who likes to

cook sausage yeah but why is it always


overseas i mean i see just like

lots of plane fares and those are


let's add it to the options spreadsheet

which we have stopped for them

got you okay well you're in charge of

that wow

i'm keeping it religious like

religiously yes

yeah gotcha okay so

uh this is obviously

a actual legitimate message okay

jay biden okay from

wants to ask if the on the border


in texas are getting a surge in business

you know what i don't know because i've

been by some chilies both you and i have

been by chili's during the lockdown

period over the last year and you know


received the same basic service of

mediocre food

but i haven't actually tried to visit

and on the border so i mean i'd like to


joe biden for his uh you know


question but yeah i don't know i haven't

have you been to an on the border since

the lockdown

no do you remember the last time i was

it on the border i was with you

at on the border and that's when we were

disappointed in

episode eight because there's that on

the border right across the street from

the roanoke

uh movie theater and that's where we

decided oh my goodness

yeah we were gonna meet at that on the

border because it was basically

in the same parking lot and we watched

episode seven then rogue one then

episode eight

and then after episode eight we just

kind of gave up on meeting up to watch

star wars movies

enjoyed the chips and salsa though i

mean no they were good there's one thing

about on the border they do make a good

solid ship i mean there's those ones

which they're here

and you touch like nine bites and it

embarrassingly drops off while you're

trying to bite it

right between the chillies ones to be

honest yeah the chili's ones are a

little thin

well plus it seems like they try and

make their own a little bit greasy bite

into it it's a little bit snappy a

little bit greasy and the salsa is not

up scratch yeah i don't think so j

dot biden from bass dot men no we still


on the border we just haven't been there

recently so i think it's just business

as usual

but we are looking forward to visiting

it again so

well there we go all right so um next up

for me

yeah you've got a bloke from my home


ian from bloomingham in england well

please tell me this is not

another marriage proposal well

because we know how you english kind of


are so please tell me it's not all right

ian from birmingham wants to marry you

but but but that is not true

he said do you want a fight and if you

do can you buy a return ticket for him

because he lost his business

due to the coveted lockdown no i'm not

going to buy him

taking a picture of him he sent his

facebook thing i was going to send you

the link

he weighs like 82 pounds i don't know

what his business was before like

flower cellar or something well but i'm

pretty quick elbow

yeah but i'm pretty sure if we look at

american history

anytime the british have came over to

the americas to fight

they lose right so it would probably not

be good for him to even consider coming


give him some smack talk don't try son

don't even come up in his son come on


finish you blah blah blah is is that

what smack talk sounds like american

smack talk

i i thought it was like oh don't come

over here you bloody guy

blah blah blah yeah that's my brother we

have smack talk in england it's just

like go away wanker

where it's like in america it's like i

said all going back to that dude who's

trying to contact me through xbox

it's all like oh i got with your mother

i got with your sister and

you know you should put walmart and

stuff a trap

so it's probably a good thing that

eminem was

not born in england because he probably

wouldn't have had as successful a rap


if he had an english accent yeah it got

more beaten up than he already did

because some of his lyrics are just like

you know you can't rhyme

actually on the subject of eminem i

don't really want to go here but you've

brought it up he did that

airplanes vob airplanes and there's some

woman who sings a song

and he says they um says something about

like either his daughter or

him looking through a window and he goes

i guess that's why they call it

window pain it's like no

this is why you failed seventh grade

twice mate because

pain and pain two different words


and p-a-n-e window pane completely


now i get what he's trying to get at but

you gotta be honest

he comes across a bit stupid yeah so he

was going for the pun

there he's got well i don't i don't know

if he knows what pun is

but we failed seventh grade twice i

don't know

last question on our list here this one

goes to you by the way

okay is racism a big issue

in your house yes given you live with a

ginger dog

that's from oh my gosh listen to this

that's from

ginger hater 99

oh and they they even masked where they

actually are

so it's from ginger hater 99 from

mind yo business in

[ __ ] town wisconsin oh i know him

this isn't the the same guy that was

upset with you the

thermo monkey 23. i know this no i know

this guy

okay he sent me some pictures of vishlas

over on instagram no

um no it's not a problem i mean i just

uh i don't i eat

all gingers because obviously my dog's a

ginger and i love her but

no i don't think racism is a problem in

my household because

i love black people i love asian people

that said i'm not still convinced about

changes but

i take him on a case-by-case basis sure

yeah that's what you've got to do that's

all you can do

yeah yeah case basis i did have a

question for you which is not related to


i know you love midgets do you have a

thing against

giants because that's obviously the


ooh and what that giant was ginger

well from canada oh see don't complicate

it too much

let's go through these one at a time


giants so i like giants but i'm not as

fascinated with giants as i am as

fascinated with midgets so would you be

all right with a canadian [ __ ]

no all right is that such a thing


as far as i'm concerned god doesn't

punish people too bad

so you either are canadian or you're a

[ __ ]

so why would you punish him because you

could be a french community or a french

canadian a french canadian [ __ ]

that's a ginger i mean look the good

lord isn't going to do that to somebody

it's just not going to happen it's good

all of the time yeah

yeah i mean he posts challenges to


that's too much for anybody yeah that's

way too much for anyone

i remember when he tempted you a few

weeks ago

when you saw that [ __ ] in the grocery

store on the scooter

on the scooter the scooter and you had a

choice of like abandoning your

shopping embargo that you're supposed to

be doing and just following

this [ __ ] and you kept to the thing

you kept

doing your shopping you know [ __ ] get

away yep

you know i mean much to your chagrin if

that was a test

i mean you passed it i mean you kept

your groceries

i did you didn't bring a [ __ ] home in

the trunk of the car

brandon duct tape and zip ties you

brought the groceries home that's true

yep so

i think you should get some credit yeah


absolutely there'll be a special place

in heaven for me because i

i took care of that guy probably away

from the middle so

but if you think about it this way

wouldn't heaven for me

being me being like king of the midgets

well i thought

i thought it was just gonna be like you

just gonna be plays

in the land of oz so basically secretly

i want to be

the wizard of oz yeah the man behind the


that has happy you're perfect but wait

were there no the midgets were in

munchkin land they weren't in

oz yeah but he kind of oh no knows the

land of ours right

but is munchkin land in oz the same


yes it's the land of oz oh

i thought those were like different

states no no

are you sure about that no it's the same

thing as we can't believe dfw

is in the same state as austin right

well that's true yeah yeah we've figured

that out yeah same thing

all right well good deal well at least

we cleaned up

more of these questions i mean keep them


we we always like answering your

questions and

thanks for tuning in to this episode of

the wolf and the shepherd and we will

catch you on the next one